Page 46 of Deking at Love
“Now you’re dodging so you don’t have to answer.”
“What was the question again?”
“Are you happy?”His tone softened yet carried some serious weight.
She flipped his locket over, then flipped it again.“Mostly, I guess.I’m not where I want to be, but I like the direction my life’s headed in.I’m certainly happier than when we were growing up together.”
“You weren’t happy back then?”
“Not especially.I always wanted to be Brianna, you know?”she confessed.
He seemed to flinch.“Why?”
“All she had to do was crook her pinkie, and the boys came running.She could have anyone she wanted.”
“Slight exaggeration, angel.”With his free hand, he picked up a lock of her hair and drew it across his upper lip.
“She had you.”
He chuffed.“You want to know something that’s really fucked up?”
“I’m not sure.”
He barreled ahead.“Guys would talk about their girlfriends, and when they asked about mine, I’d describe what Brianna looked like, but when it came to personality, I’d always describeyouinstead.And when I came back to visit my billet family, I was more excited about seeing you than I was Brianna.”He paused on a sigh.“Told you it was fucked up.”
Angie masked her surprise.“Why do you think that was?”
“I’m not sure.Maybe because Brianna was more looks than personality.Honestly, I can’t remember what her laugh was like or if she evendidlaugh.But you?I carried that sound around in my head and replayed it whenever I was down.”
“Um, that’s … unexpected.”And so very sweet.
“Yeah.I’d forgotten about it until just now.”
A comfortable silence stretched between them.Her fingers traced patterns on his skin, relishing the solid thumping of his heart, while he continued dragging her hair over his mouth and along his cheek.The hand that had been stroking her breast merely held it now in a way that wasn’t sexual yet was more intimate somehow.
She was bobbing along in a stream of dreamy thoughts when he next spoke.“Angie, I am so, so sorry I treated you the way I did.If I could go back, I would, and I’d set everything right.”
She needed a moment to gather her thoughts—and her breath.“What would you have done differently?”
He expelled a massive exhale.“First of all, I’d have woken you up so I could at least kiss you good-bye.Then I would have called you when I got there.To find out how you were doing back home and let you know I was okay and to share the crazy excitement of it all.And that first time I got sent down, when I had to clear waivers and I was destroyed by the experience and nervous as hell, I would have called you because I know you would have been in my corner.You always were.What I’m trying to say is, I would have shared the highs and the lows with you.As it was, I had my dad, but I only wanted to tell him the good stuff because he was still dealing with depression after Mom’s death.And Joe, well, he was just a punky kid who only cared about me getting autographs for him.”She could hear a sad smile in his voice.“And you know what else I would have done?”
She shook her head, grateful she didn’t have to utter a word.
“I would have asked you to come live with me.”
What?
Utterly gobsmacked, she spluttered, “But we were kids who didn’t know each other.”
He craned his head, and one side of his mouth curled up in a wry smile.“Seriously, Ange?Being friends and neighbors for four years doesn’t count for anything?And being twenty is hardly being a kid.”He lowered his voice to a sexy growl.“As far as knowing each other, that one night told me everything I needed to know about us being compatible in bed.So yeah, I’m pretty confident I had plenty of empirical data to go by.”His tone shifted, and something akin to regret shot through it.“I just never acted.Never considered acting, to be honest, because it would have been selfish and unfair as hell.And nothing says you would have agreed anyway.”
Would she have agreed?Yes, Past Angie shouted in her head.She had been young and unguarded, and she’d been blinded by all the stardust in her eyes when it came to Sam back then.All he would have had to do was give a jerk of his chin in a come-on gesture, and she would have followed him anywhere.
A beat later, she recovered her voice.“How would asking me be selfish or unfair?”
“I’d be asking you to bounce around with me.Never knowing how long you were going to stay in one place.Here today with friends and a job and roots, yanked out tomorrow because I got traded or someone picked me up off the waiver wire.There’s a lot of uncertainly when it comes to this lifestyle.”
Hoisting herself onto an elbow, she looked down at his handsome face.“When it comes to where you live, maybe, but that’s temporary.The part thatiscertain is that we would have been together.”
