Page 194 of Bad Attitude
It hurt when Brandon left with Vera, but I was more angry at her than at him. She knew better than to hook up with a man who would do that to herfriend.
It hurt when Chad left, but that was misguided infatuation, and I knew it even back then. Besides, he was an asshole. It was easy to say good riddance to him.
Declan is different. I’ve walked out onhim, and that makes it worse.
Why would that be worse? Isn’t it easier to leave than be left?
I wipe tears from my cheeks, grateful there’s no one to see me cry.
Is this…guiltI’m feeling?
Damn it. Why am I feeling guilty? He fucking drugged me, kidnapped me, tied me up and used melike a sex toy.
Then he carried me upstairs, ran a bath, and washed me gently.
Fuck. Fuck, fuck,fuck.
No, I won’t accept that. The two things donotbalance each other out.
What about all the lies on top?
That house in San Fran. The woman in Thousand Oaks. The way he can’t answer any question without a moment of stillness first.
Maybe it took me a little while to see that, but I can’t miss it now. And it’severy damn timeI ask him something about himself.
And what about his interest in Kurt’s wallet? The diamonds that were entrustedto me?
He’s betrayed us all… but me most of all. He usedmeto get close to the crew.
And I goddamn fell for it.
Arrgh!Ihatehim!
No, Declan isnota man I want in my life. He’stoxic.
Good decision, Raven. Hold on to that.
Damn right I will.
Then why does it hurt so much?
My tears have dried by the time the sun rises, replaced with anger and cold resolve. I still have two more hours to wait, but twenty minutes after the bank opens, I have enough cash in hand to get gas for my bike.
Four hours from LA.
I open the throttle and do it in a little over three.
When I walk in to Kurt’s unit, Tasha’s sitting at herlaptop like she never left, and Dario’s making a mess in the kitchen.
“Raven!” He comes over with a grin and a sandwich, giving me a one-armed hug while I twist to avoid getting mayonnaise on my jacket. “All good?”
So fucking far from it I don’t even know where to start.“Yeah. You?”
“Great.” He pauses, turning serious. “Cole’s pretty bad, but he’ll recover. We left him in San Fran and came back to see you. Cammy and Kurt stayed with him.” He looks past me toward the door. “Where’s Declan?”
Just hearing his name has my stomach clenching. Anxiety that he’ll find me, guilt for leaving him, and more than a hint of arousal that I couldreallydo without.
“Long story,” I mutter.
