Page 84 of The Sweetheart
Matteo’s eyebrows almost hit his hairline. “Oh yeah? And what are you? Should I go ask Jeremiah?”
Kai scoffed. Shaking his head again and looking away, into the distance. The trees that lined the street towered high, their leaves rustling loudly in the breeze. The sun had begun its downward descent, casting the whole street into shadow even as the sky overhead held its bright blue.
“Nah. It’s not the same. I’ve done so many fucked up things, one good thing doesn’t even make a difference.”
Matteo nodded his head in understanding. “So, what’s the number?”
Kai looked back at him, questioningly.
“How many things will it take for you to forgive yourself and move on?”
“I don’t know,” he hedged. “Maybe there’s things you just shouldn’t be allowed to move on from.”
“Damn. A life sentence. That’s unfortunate. You need to hire yourself a good lawyer. You should appeal that shit.”
Kai barked out a laugh despite the sadness weighing on him.
Matteo’s smile was small but amused. “Kai, I don’t want to get preachy but you do yourself and everyone who cares about you a huge disservice when you discount the good you do. When I say that you show up, I know that for a fact. I know the way that you care for those boys at home. You’re wasting your time and your energy martyring yourself to a version of you that you aren’t anymore. If you don’t like the bad on your scale, keep showing up every day and put some good on it. Forgive yourself and let yourself be forgiven. We deserve to have the best version of you.”
Kai sat frozen, his throat choked as Matteo’s words hit him like so many bullets.We deserve to have the best version of you.What did that even mean? What was the best version of Kai? He didn’t know.
They sat in silence, Kai turning Matteo’s words over in his head. A young family strolled down the sidewalk, mom and dad holding hands while two kids, no more than five or six, wobbled ahead on their bikes, earnest legs pumping as hard as they could. Kai fixed his eyes on them, enchanted by their eagerness but feeling just a little wistful.
After a while, a police SUV came down the street, stealing Kai’s attention as it turned into the driveway. From where they sat, Kai could see the face of a young woman in the back seat, lank hair draped around her face and worry all over it. That could only be Jeremiah’s sister.
“I’m going to go get Jeremiah,” Kai said, getting immediately to his feet and rushing into the centre.
“Jeremiah!” he called urgently.
A second later, Jeremiah came pelting from out of the back and down the hall. “Is it my sister?”
“I think so.”
Jeremiah ran past him, out the front door, and Kai followed.
“Ava!” Jeremiah yelled, barrelling right into her, wrapping his arms around her waist as she rushed up the pathway to meet him.
“Jeremiah! Oh my God! I was so freaking scared! Are you okay?” She wrapped her arms around his shoulders, her expression morphing into relief as she held him tight.
“Yeah. Are you? Brianna? Jessi?”
“They’re okay. They’re still at the station giving their statements. They arrested Andrew.”
“Good! I’m glad. I’m not sorry,” he said stubbornly. Ava gave him a sad smile and hugged him tight.
“Come,” Jeremiah said, breaking her hold and dragging her by the hand to where Kai was standing. “This is Kai and Matteo. This is my sister, Ava. Kai called Matteo and Maria, and they did everything.”
Ava held out her hand to shake Kai’s, and when their eyes met, Kai recognized the sadness in hers. He could see her suffering, and he hoped, with everything in him right then, that she’d be able to get the help she needed from now on.
Maria and Anna ushered the siblings inside.
Kai didn’t really know what to do with himself now. Jeremiah and Ava were safe, and Maria, Anna and Matteo would take care of everything from there. He picked up his backpack.
“Hey, where are you going?” Matteo asked.
“I’m just going to say bye and then go.”
“Where are you staying these days?”
