Page 77 of The Sweetheart
Chris:
Katie isn’t letting you off the hook this time. We’re bringing dinner.
Nolan sighed deeply, massaging his temples as though that would stave off his headache and concerned family members. Christ. He didn’t need this. He needed to sleep, and he needed to be left alone. He hadn’t slept properly in weeks. How could he, with a yawning hole in his chest and chronic pain plaguing him every hour since then?
Two weeks later, it hadn’t dimmed in the slightest. In fact, Nolan was pretty sure it had gotten worse. Every day without Kai was torture. The memory of him was all over his house, and without him there, the space felt empty and lifeless. He missed him desperately. Worse than that was the constant fear that Kai might be in danger. No, he was in danger. He hadn’t left with Liam, and Nolan didn’t know which was worse, the idea that Kai could be alone in the world or that he was under Liam’s influence. Where would he go if he couldn’t go to the trailer? Was he couch-surfing, or was he sleeping on the street? Where was he getting food?
Nolan told himself it didn’t matter and, more importantly,that it was none of his business, but it didn’t stop the worry, and the truth was, a very big part of him believed itwashis business. He’d sent Kai away, and if anything happened to him, that was on Nolan. He was no better than Kai’s uncle, and knowing he had anything in common with that asshole made him sick.
He picked up the phone that had been his constant companion over the last two weeks. He knew why Kai hadn’t taken it, but it didn’t stop Nolan from cursing him for leaving it behind. If Kai had only taken it, Nolan could have called. He could have checked in to make sure he was okay.
He could have apologized. He could have begged him to come back.
He would also feel a lot less remorse. Nolan felt it keenly. He could still see Kai’s face as he closed the door on him, the way his eyes had begged him not to abandon him. He’d gone through the phone for evidence that Kai had been complicit, but what he’d found was so much worse.
Please. I lo?—
Don’t you fucking dare!
He hadn’t wanted to hear what Kai was going to say, because he’d known that it would be impossible to give him up. It would have probably killed him. But the phone told him what he hadn’t let Kai say out loud. It told him in pictures and videos and texts and voice notes.
Love.
And Nolan had thrown it away.
Myles knocked on the door and let himself in, but Nolan didn’t acknowledge him. He just sat behind his desk, eyes locked on Kai’s phone, rolling it like a wheel along the edge of the desk.
“Hey. Just checking in. You need anything?”
Nolan frowned, shaking his head. Myles sighed and closed the door, taking the seat across from him, his iPad resting under his arm on the armrest. He didn’t say anything, but Nolan knewit was coming and felt a frisson of irritation. Myles had been the first one to find out because, in his anger, Nolan had told him to cancel the meeting with Noah. The money that Liam had conveniently found at Nolan’s had been Noah’s payment to pursue Kai’s uncle. Myles had dropped it off earlier when he’d stopped by during the pool party.
He’d told himself that Kai’s family troubles were none of his concern, and while he still half-believed he should let it go, his sense of right and wrong wouldn’t let the injustice of it slide. He hadn’t rebooked the appointment with Noah though.
“Wanna blow this joint and go get shit-faced?”
Nolan actually cracked a tiny smile but shook his head.
Myles sighed. “I didn’t think so. Have you heard from him?” he asked quietly, like he was testing the waters.
Nobody had. Nolan knew from the text messages that came in that Kai hadn’t been in touch with Jason, Justin, Matteo or Katie. It made him sick to his stomach that no one had heard from him, and it filled him with a restless energy that made him want to comb the streets looking for him. He’d finally caved and messaged Matteo and Jason back to let them know that Kai had left his phone behind but hadn’t said anything else, and neither of them had pried.
He’d initially wondered if Jason or Justin and the boys had helped Liam break in, but when he’d checked the security cameras to ensure Liam hadn’t gotten into any other shit, it had been all Nolan’s fault. Nolan had been so distracted between worry for Myles and then Chris showing up unexpectedly, he’d left the door unlocked. With his phone still by the grill, he’d missed the security alert, and Liam had let himself in, roaming the house like he owned the place.
Myles didn’t say anything else. Just sat there watching him.
“I fucked up,” he finally said when the weight the silence was too much to bear.
“Liam was blackmailing you, Nolan. What were you supposed to do?”
“Pay it. I keep thinking if I could just go back to that moment, I’d just pay it. It’s not worth it,” he said, shaking his head, a painful lump growing in his throat. “Not knowing where he is? If something’s happened to him? It’s just not worth it. Why the fuck do you need trust in your relationships anyway?”
“I don’t know, Nolan. It feels kind of foundational.”
Maybe, but Nolan was pretty sure this hurt way worse. He sighed. “You gotta get me out of dinner with Chris,” he begged. He loved his family, but he wasn’t ready to deal with them. He didn’t want the commiseration or the sanctimonious bullshit. They probably believed the break-up was a foregone conclusion, which was both enraging and humiliating, because what had he expected bringing an admitted scam artist into his home?
“Sorry, man. Katie texted me a row of knife emojis, so I’m pretty sure there’s no getting out of it. But I can stop by Randy’s and grab a box of beef patties if it’ll make it more bearable.” Nolan’s smile was genuine. Myles really was a good friend.
“I’m going to go. I’m not getting shit done here. I’m just wasting everyone’s time.”
