Page 13 of Sacred Virtues
I grip the arms of the chair harder, holding myself as steady as I can as he pounds into me. My head becomes fuzzy, and all I can feel is the unyielding wood of the chair against my knees,his fingers digging hard into my hips, and his dick ramming into me over and over again. He issues a series of grunts and growls, but his breath is ragged, and I barely hear him when he mutters, “Touch yourself now.”
I shift slightly, so I can still support myself with one hand and reach between my legs. My cock is painful and sensitive as I wrap my hand around it. Being aroused for so long, it doesn’t take more than a few strokes before I spasm as my orgasm rips through me. As it does, Theobald moans deeply and holds me tighter as he comes inside me, thrusting a few more times. He stills but doesn’t move, and I stay in place, letting my breathing return to normal as I watch my release pooling on the seat of the chair below me.
He withdraws slowly and I grit my teeth against the sting. He takes a step backwards and I straighten up, wincing as I turn to face him. For a fleeting second I see a mix of tenderness and guilt cross his face, and I smile, heady with euphoria and wanting to share it with him. Then his expression twists into a grimace of horror as he looks at me, half naked and with his seed dripping out of me. He steps out of his linen drawers, which are around his ankles, and throws them at me.
“Clean yourself up and get out,” he barks harshly, and tears prick at my eyes.
“But—” He holds up his hand and turns his face away, as if he can’t bear to look at me. I swallow around the lump in my throat and wipe myself as best I can. I pull up my hose, holding in the whine that wants to escape when I move and realise how sore I am. I can’t hold back the tears any longer, and they fall, mingling with my cum on the chair as I try to scrub that clean too.
When I’ve finished, I look at Theobald, but he’s retreated to the other side of the room, facing the wall with his arms crossed.
I hesitate with the soiled linen in my hand, unsure what to do with it. My chest feels ripped open from his cruelty, and I can’t hold back a sob. I see his shoulders stiffen.
“Get. Out,” he growls, still facing the other way. I gently place the drawers on the chair, and on shaking legs I slip out of the door.
I make it back to my bedroom without anyone seeing me. But I don’t sleep. I lie awake for a long time, tears drying on my cheeks. I know the Theobald I just witnessed isn’t the same one who proudly showed me round his abbey and made sure I had something to eat. I know I can find that Theobald again. After a long time I hear his footsteps in the passageway as he returns, followed by the soft closing of his door. I listen intently but the sound of the key turning in his lock never comes.
CHAPTER 11
THEOBALD
Iwake as something warm moves against me. Opening my eyes I see it’s Emmett, curled up beside me in bed. I watch him for a minute, his eyelids twitching in sleep, his long eyelashes fluttering against soft pink cheeks, and his plump rosy lips part slightly as he breathes. He looks innocent, vulnerable, and younger than his years. It’s a stark contrast to how he looked last night, his beauty hiding a demon who tempted me. I failed last night. I failed to be strong in the face of temptation, and in my fury, I failed Emmett. I spent a long time after I’d sent him away, walking the cloister, knowing I’d hurt him. I did not seek redemption through prayer; it didn’t help my resistance last time. By rights, the next highest ordained member of the monastery should hear my confession, but I would rather face the gates of hell alone than confess anything to Brother Kennard. Instead I walked in darkness and muttered my sins so only God could hear them. I asked for clarity, and the only guidance I received was that it’s Emmett’s forgiveness I should ask for.
He stirs slightly but doesn’t awaken. After the way I treated him, I marvel at the courage he had to climb into my bed. That he has, gives me some hope that he might not truly think me the monster my lust and shame made me into last night. He moves again, flinging an arm across me. I don’t push it off, instead I lightly run my fingers up his arm and across his shoulder, and his skin is as soft as it looks. I allow myself these few minutes of indulgence, because right after I’ve apologised, I will sign the settlement and send him on his way. It’s far too dangerous for him to stay here any longer. I’ve already broken my sacred vows and made a mockery of my position. If he remains I know I’ll do it again. I can already feel the pull of wanting to hold him close, like a precious piece of treasure to be revered and guarded. I cannot do so and also preach the virtues of my order, expecting everyone else to follow them while making exceptions for myself.
“Mmmm, that’s nice.” His sleepy voice startles me and I remove my hand. “Please don’t stop.” I return to my gentle stroking and his eyes blink open. A smile forms on his face that lights up the room.
“I’m sorry, Emmett,” I say and his smile fades. “What I did last night was wrong. I was angry with myself and I hurt you because of it.”
He reaches out and strokes his hand down my chest. I don’t deserve his goodness and my guilt deepens.
“Can you please forgive me?”
“I don’t think that was really you last night. Not the man I’ve come to know over the last couple of days.”
“You don’t know me at all, Emmett.” I sigh. It seems I don’t either, or rather I don’t like who I really am.
“I see a good man, who has given his life to service. Who cares for those he’s responsible for. You don’t turn away those in need, instead doing everything you can to help. You’re kind and compassionate. People look up to you, for care and leadership.”
“Emmett—” I don’t feel worthy of his words.
“I’m not finished.” He looks up at me, his blue eyes like a midsummer’s sky. “You’ve shown me a kindness that few have in my life. When I’m with you, I feel safe. And I’ve never desired anyone before as much as I do you. I sought you out last night in the hope that you wanted me too.”
“I did want you. You’re beautiful, you’re brave and good. My lust shamed me, but it was no excuse for what I did. Please forgive me.”
“Of course.” His smile returns and the hard knot in my chest eases.
He shifts to sit up and a grimace crosses his face.
“Are you sore?” I ask, and he frowns.
“Kind of. It did hurt last night, even though it felt so good. Today it’s not exactly terrible, but I know what I did. Is it always like that?”
“No, not at all.” I try to reassure him. “In my anger, I didn’t take enough time to make sure you were ready.”
“So next time it’ll be better?” he asks eagerly and moves to wrap his arms around my chest. I grab his forearms and hold him off.
“There cannot be a next time. I’ve already gone too far. Being with you puts everyone here at risk.” I let go of his arms and he doesn’t make a move towards me again. Instead his shoulders slump, which feels worse. “It’s too perilous to continue. I might as well sign my own death warrant. Surely you can understand that?”
