Page 96 of Never After Us
Barret lifts a brow, way too entertained.“Are you sure?Because that sounded like a euphemism.”Then the bastard grins.“I like to catalog Cleo’s orgasms and Eddie’s questionable sexual positions.The guy is bringing more kinks to the bedroom.That’s a full-time job.”
I blink at him.“We are literally cataloguing records.”
“Okay, okay,” Dexter says, raising his hands like he’s soothing a wild animal.“Calm your chakras.”
“My chakras are fucking fine,” I snap.
“All of them, because I think some are not in place.”He smirks.“Like the ones that get cranky when you like someone.”
I glare so hard the air in front of me should combust.“We’re not doing this.”
Dexter snorts.“You absolutely are doing this.”
Barret leans back in his chair.“We’ve known you for a long time, Alec.You’ve only ever used that tone when you’re lying to yourself.”
I feel the words hit somewhere behind my ribs, right where irritation meets something I refuse to name.The problem isn’t that they’re teasing me.The problem is that they’re not wrong.
I run a hand through my hair, fighting the urge to walk out, fly to Tibet, or fake my death.Something easy.
“We’re cataloguing records,” I repeat, slower this time.“That’s all.”
But even as I say it, I hear my own voice shift.
Even I don’t believe it.
“Oh my God.You with a kid.”Barret claps.“This is the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”
“It’s not funny,” I mutter.“I’m serious.I’m getting ...attached.And I hate it.”
Dexter studies me for a long beat—long enough that I start drumming the floor with one stick just to have something to do.
“Well,” Dexter finally says, “you talked to your therapist about it.”
I nod reluctantly.
“And he said ...?”
“That I’m afraid of being seen.”
Barret snorts.“Earth-shattering news.”
I flip him off without looking.My hand is already on the edge of the table, like I need something to grip.
“No, really,” I mutter.“I told Dr.Bennet that getting close to anyone feels like—like I’m standing on the edge of something that’s going to break under me.And he said maybe this time it won’t.Or that I’ll learn something.Or grow.Or whatever people like him say when they want you to risk fucking everything up in the name of progress.”
Dexter leans forward, eyes sharper than usual.“Do you want it to break?”
“No.”The answer slips out faster than I expect.
He doesn’t blink.“Do you want her?”
My throat goes tight like he’s wrapped his hand around it.The question is too clean, too direct.
“I don’t know.”A beat passes, and I feel them both watching me.“No.That’s a lie.Yes.Fuck.I don’t know.”
Barret whistles low.“He’s spiraling.”
“I’m not spiraling,” I snap, even though I am.I can hear it in my own voice.
