Page 86 of Never After Us
The River — Bruce Springsteen
Love Will Tear Us Apart — Joy Division
Pictures of You — The Cure
Black — Pearl Jam
Tears in Heaven — Eric Clapton
Hurt — Nine Inch Nails
Lightning Crashes — Live
Clearly,this is grief, longing.This is healing through a door you—more like me—didn’t want to open.
This is everything I spent years sweeping into corners and labeling later.
I trace the edge of the paper with my fingertip, trying to steady my breathing.“Wow.”
“That bad?”he asks.
“No,” I say, quieter now.“It’s just ...this feels personal.”
His jaw tenses, just for a second, like the word touches a nerve he didn’t expect.“It’s a playlist, not a marriage proposal.”
“But you picked them for me.”
He doesn’t deny it.
Instead, he leans back, folding his arms in that faux-relaxed posture he uses when he wants to look unaffected—but absolutely isn’t.His jaw tightens.A muscle in his cheek jumps.His body betrays him.
“I thought you’d like them,” he mutters.
His voice is rougher now, laced with meaning he’s not willing to unpack.A thread pulled too tight, vibrating with everything he won’t let himself say.
And I’m suddenly terrified that I know exactly what it means and how I wish he could kiss and make my head stop, but ...a soft scrape of metal on metal breaks the spell between us—the unmistakable slide of the glass balcony door—and just like that, whatever lived in the air between Alec and me dissolves into distance.
This is something I can manage without falling apart.
ChapterTwenty-Seven
Mara
We both turn toward the noise, and there’s Mila—standing in her slippers, hair rumpled, cheeks flushed from sleep.The new stuffed toy frog Alec gave her is tucked beneath her chin.She holds it close as if it’s her most valued possession.
“Mommy?”she murmurs, voice small and cracked from dreaming.“The frogs got lost in my dream.”
I go to her immediately, scooping her into my arms before she’s fully awake.Her body folds against mine like it remembers this part, like it never unlearned the shape of me.
“They’re fine, sweetheart,” I whisper into her hair, gently brushing it away from her forehead.“Probably just exploring.You know how frogs are.They jump everywhere.Hard to keep track of.”
She lifts her head, just enough to blink past my shoulder—and spots Alec.
“Hi, Mr.Neighbor.”
He lifts his hand in a quiet wave.“Hey, Mila.”His voice is softer than usual.As if he knows she’s still half-dreaming and doesn’t want to pull her out of it too fast.
She studies us both with the solemn confusion of a child trying to solve a puzzle adults haven’t explained yet.Then she yawns so deeply her body dips forward with it, cheek returning to my collarbone.
