Page 62 of Run To You
I should say something profound, or at least mature, but all that comes out is, “Well, if you’re going to lose your boobs, I guess I can finally inherit your cardigans without you nagging about the fit.”
Gran’s face splits in a true cackle. “That’s the spirit, Eden!”
Bella plops herself down on the arm of the couch, looking as if she might combust from all the emotional charge in the room. “You’re a tough lady, Gran,” she says, softer than I’ve ever heard her. “And for what it’s worth, you’ll look punk as hell with zippered scars.”
Mum’s composure finally breaks, but she covers it by launching into action. She goes to the kitchen and starts opening cupboards, stacking plates, refilling the kettle.
“It’s not terminal, right?” Todd shouts from the baby-changing zone. I guess they heard Gran’s news then. “You’re going to be okay?” There’s a thump and a curse and then, “I just got pee on my shirt.”
The spell is broken.
Pia pokes her head around the doorframe, her hair wild and cheeks red from crying. “How long are you here for?”
“A couple of weeks, love. Then we’ll fly back, and I’ll get this sorted,” she says, pointing to her left boob. Pia simply nods and goes back to helping Todd sort out his daughter.
We accept another coffee from Mum, who still looks moments away from breaking down. After a few minutes, I excuse myself. I shoot a message to Sloane asking her to come by my place tonight. As much as I’d love to spend another night here, I need some space to let Gran’s news settle in, and I’ll probably paint. Maybe Sloane would like to join in. She used to like our painting date nights.
20
Sloane
Irace home to change out of my semi-professional work attire and into some running clothes. I’m bone tired but wired from very little sleep and a fulfilling day with Lisa.
It’s only when I pop my earbuds in that I realize my phone is dead. Huffing, I toss it on the charger. I don’t like running without music, but I need to burn off any residual energy.
As much as I want to race back to Eden and her family, I know I need to take some time to unwind. It’s one of the hardest aspects of recovery for me. To focus on myself feels so selfish, but as Dr. Chen has repeatedly told me formonths, if I don’t look after me, how can I look after other people?
In my delusional states, when I pull away from the people I love, it’s all under the act of selflessness on my part. Well, that’s what I reason with myself. My brain convinces me that I’m looking after them by keeping them away from my shit. Of course, that’s not the case, and I always end up making things worse for me and the people around me, but hey, that’s mental health for you!
Because today has been a lot on several fronts, I know I need to process on my own for a little while before I interact with others. It all seems so complicated and convoluted, but it’s working for me. I’m functioning and reconnecting with people I thought I’d lost forever, so I will keep travelling on this road even when it feels inconvenient.
My legs burn as I push myself hard up the hiking trail. One look over the vista is all I’ll need to calm myself and get to a place where I can head over to Liz and Rick’s without feeling totally overwhelmed. I internally wince again at the thought of Eden trying to get a hold of me all day. Hopefully my phone will be juiced up enough to send her a quick message before I head over to see her.
As predicted, the view does exactly what I thought it would. I feel a smile bloom on my sweaty face as I look out.My breaths are short and shallow because I really gave it my all on the last few meters. We have another charity race this weekend and I would really like Eden and me to be in the top ten finishers.
My stomach churns when I remember Alex messaging me and asking if it was okay for her to meet up with me at the next race. A part of me still feels guilty about everything that happened between us, which is why I agreed. Now I regret saying yes, because I don’t want to cause either Eden or Alex any pain.
Shaking my head, I put all thoughts of Alex to the back of my mind. I’m not going to ruminate and create issues that aren’t there. I’ll deal with the whole Alex thing when I see her. Plus, Eden said she’d be with me every step of the way, and for once I want to hold on to that promise and allow myself to rely on it. Rely on Eden without the fear and anxiety winning.
Turning on my heel, I race back to the pool house. I’m feeling clearheaded and excited to get showered and see my girl again. I have to admit I’d like to see little Meena, too.
Mom is waiting on the front porch as I round the corner with a frown on her face. She’s holding a bottle of water in one hand and my phone in the other.
“Hey,” I pant. “What’s wrong?”
“Drink this,” she begins, holding out the bottle. I guzzle half of it before bending over and stretching out my legs while trying to get my breath back.
“Now read these,” Mom continues, taking the bottle from my hand only to replace it with my phone.
I scan the screen to find at least ten messages. One from Eden and the rest from Pia, Becca, and Bella. My only interest is the one from Eden. She asked if I would hang out later. Nothing strange there. I open the other messages from my friends and know there is something wrong. They’re all asking if I’ve seen or spoken to Eden.
It’s Bella’s latest message that makes me suck in a breath.
“Shit,” I gasp when I read the words.
I scramble past my mom and head to the pool house. I need to get showered and dressed in record time. A part of my brain tries to make me feel guilty for not having seen the messages earlier, but I won’t let it win. All I can do is get to Eden as soon as possible and see what she needs. Scolding myself for not charging my phone or calling her earlier helps no one.
Mom follows me because she’s worried. I don’t have time to explain, so I toss her my phone as I make my wayto the bathroom. I hear her say, “Oh, poor girl,” before the water from my shower drowns out any other noise.
