Page 20 of Run To You
Jesus, did she think I was suicidal? I never got to that point, and I know I have Jenna to thank for it. There is no explaining to anyone what mental illness does to you. How it strips you of all rational thinking and leaves you wallowing in a pit of darkness.
“I’m in therapy. I’m medicated, too.”
Eden nods. “And how do you feel about things?”
“Things?” I need clarification on what she’s referring to, because I doubt she wants to know how I feel about her. About us.
“Yeah, things. I mean, are you coping? Does that sound like an arsehole thing to ask?”
For the first time since running into her, I allow myself a little smile. “It’s not an ‘arsehole’ thing to ask.” I attempt to emulate her accent as I repeat the word. I sound awful, of course, and Eden snickers.
“I’m coping. College is over, and by some miracle, I graduated. Now I’m spending my time getting back on my feet. Discovering what comes next. Hopefully…mending some fences.”
I might as well come straight out with it. Eden has always appreciated brutal honesty.
“Fences with friends, by any chance?” she replies knowingly.
Swallowing again, I blow out a breath. “Yes. If I can.”
“Becca missed you,” is all she says.
“I missed her. So very much. I missed everyone…especially you.”
It’s Eden’s turn to look away. I don’t want to make her uncomfortable, but I also don’t want to beat around the bush. Not when I have so much time to make up for.
“I’ll understand if you don’t want to see me, Eden. I’ll stay out of the way, if that’s what you need?”
A low chuckle escapes her throat, and I’m devastated to see her eyes filled with unshed tears. “What I need, huh? I‘ve no fucking clue what I need, Sloane. I’m a fucking pic ‘n’ mix of emotions.”
I don’t know what pic ‘n’ mix is, but I get what she means.
“I want to hug you, because I really am so fucking happy to see you with a glow about your skin again. I want to stamp my feet at how bloody unfair life is, that we had to go through any of it,” she rants. “I want to walk away and forget I ever met you, but in the next breath, I want toscoop you into my arms and hold you until we’re old and wrinkly. I want everything and nothing from you, Sloane!”
My heart is hammering in my chest, and I don’t know what to do. Eden looks half-crazy as she gesticulates wildly.
“Would you meet up with me?” I ask when the silence becomes too much. “When you’re ready and not taken by surprise. Will you sit and talk to me? So I can apologize properly, and you have time to say whatever you need to say.”
Doing this now, in this place, isn’t right. First, there are too many emotions linked to the lookout for both of us. Second, neither of us expected to see each other, and I know, for me at least, I’d prefer to have my thoughts organized. It’s what I planned to do after the run before heading to her apartment.
“Okay,” she says eventually. “I can do that. I’ll…is it okay if I let Jenna know, and she can relay it to you?”
I wince, because that’s another thing I need to say sorry for. I really hope I haven’t caused them to fall out.
“Of course that’s okay.”
We nod at each other like lunatics for a second before I take a step to the side and go to walk away. As I step past, Eden takes my hand in hers.
“I’m happy you’re home, Bishop.”
Clearing my throat, I smile back. “It’s good to be home, Sawyer.”
7
Eden
If the universe had a dashboard, it would be lit up with flashing neon lights advising me about how fucked up my life is right now. I envision them being something along the lines of “Absolutely Do Not Engage” or “Danger Keep Out.” But the universe is a petty little bitch and, after twenty-four hours of nervously vibrating with the knowledge that Sloane Bishop is back in town, it decides to plop her directly in my path. Not even a metaphorical plop, either. More like, I turned the corner to reach the outlook, and Sloane ran straight into my chest with the precise force of a high school gym teacher’s dodgeball.
Her elbow jabbed me in the ribcage, and I made a noise that was both a squeal and a cough. Sloane hit the ground, as did I. Sloane gasped and stood there frozen until she finally blinked at me with the same startled-hamster eyes that launched my entire queer awakening when I saw a pretty girl for the first time in the school assembly hall.
