Page 89 of Walk With Me
There’s been enough teenage relationship fiascos at Holcroft for me to know how not to handle this. Assuming I know what the problem is, or making shit up in my head based on very little evidence, is the absolute wrong way. I’m not falling into that crap. For once, my assigned ‘old lady’ status is going to work for me: I’m going to talk to my girlfriend honestly, and do my best to listen.
“Did you have a good night out?”
Sloane’s face immediately changes from seduction to worry. I didn’t mean for that to happen, but it has, and now I have to work out what it means.
“I’m sorry, Eden,” she replies with wide eyes. “I didn’t intentionally tell Kiera about my college acceptance. I was reading the letter and she saw it over my shoulder. Then she organised a celebration. I felt bad saying no because she’s been so helpful with the charity race and everything, but I swear I didn’t go to her. I wanted to tell you first.”
Pulling her to my bed by her hand, I settle against the headboard and guide her to sit between my legs, which she does with a contented sigh. Her head hits my chest and she snuggles down.
“I’m going to be honest with you now, S. Okay?”
She doesn’t answer, but nods. I’m not here to make her feel bad, or heighten her anxiety. However, I’m the other half of this relationship, and my parents always taught me my worth. I need to voice my feelings and hope she receives them as intended. Not to place fault, but to work through things.
“You’ve been absent lately. Ever since my birthday. I have an inkling I know why, but I don’t want to guess. I’d like you to talk to me, Sloane.”
“I’m sorry.”
Shaking my head, I hold her tighter. “I don’t want an apology. I want to find a way forward. I also need to say that I’m not feeling great about being sidelined for Kiera.”
She jerks forward and turns to look at me. “Eden, you know I’d never—“
“I’m not saying you would. Nor do I think that’s what’s going on. But you’ve stepped away from me and are spending all your time with her. I know she’s helping with the 5k, and that’s great. But I can’t help wondering why you haven’t asked me? I could’ve helped with flyers, or whatever. It feels like you’re pushing me away, and it’s hard to digest.”
Tears pool in her eyes. I hate this so much, but if we don’t air it out, our relationship is gonna rot and we can kiss the idea of long distance goodbye. Maybe that’s what Sloane wants. Ugh, I have to ask, don’t I?
“Babe, do you need us to break up?”
“No!” she practically shouts. “No, that’s the last thing I want.”
“Okay. Then you have to talk to me. I can’t read your mind, Sloane.”
Wiping her eyes with the sleeve of her hoodie that she absolutely stole from me, she takes a few deep breaths. “I don’t know what’s going on with me lately,” she begins. “I’ve felt so overwhelmed, which is weird because usually I’m great under pressure.”
Remaining silent, I take her hands in mine, encouraging her to go on.
“Getting to be with you is the best thing that’s happened to me, Eden. Please believe that. It’s also scared the shit out of me. Like, how can I be so lucky? Which then led me to think, I can’t be that lucky and something’s going to go wrong, or I’ll screw it up like I’ve been doing.”
“You’re not screwing it up, babe.”
“I am! I got in my head about the two percent chance we’ll make it through college as a couple and instead of telling you, I ran away. I…I just found it hard to be around you knowing I’ll probably lose you next year.”
“I’m here with you right now, Sloane. We’ve got time until college. Not a bucketload, but enough to put a plan in place. I’ll sit up all night and schedule it out with you if that’s what it takes. Phone call time slots, video chatting. Vacation times, etc. We can plan it all, but pushing me away isn’t the answer. We might as well call it quits tonight if that’s how it’s going to go until next fall.”
“No, please don’t say that. I’m sorry.”
Cupping her face, I kiss her softly. “Stop apologising. I just want us to lay it all out there. I can’t keep doing what we’re doing, Sloane. I miss you.”
“I miss you too,” she sobs. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”
“I think you’ve had a burn-out. A lot has happened this semester. With college looming over us, it’s been hard. We have more homework, more pressure. You need to have a proper rest. Let me organise something for Spring Break. It can be a friends thing, or just a you and me thing.”
Smiling at me, she leans her head against mine. “Yes. That sounds so good. I think I’d like a you and me thing.”
“Then that’s settled.”
“You’re too good to me, Eden.”
“I’m in love with you, Sloane. I’d do anything for you.”
