Page 100 of Hittin' the Right Note
Luke didn’t know whether the dead silence that fell over the auditorium was the result of his being completely lost in the feeling of being with Mikey or whether it was something else. The knot of fear he always felt when doing any kind of PDA was twisting in his belly, reminding him of why he’d been hesitant about this in the first place.
Then, between one second and the next, the whole auditorium erupted into cheers that were, somehow, even more intense and enthusiastic than they’d been at the beginning of the concert. People were on their feet clapping and stomping andcheering, and Luke finally allowed himself to just relax and lean even more into the kiss, pulling Mikey to him.
“Fuck. I love you, Mikey Smiles,” he whispered into the other man’s ears. “I always have, and I always will.”
“I love you too, Luke Carter,” Mikey whispered right back, mouth curved into a perfect bow. “And nothing will ever,ever,change that.”
There on that stage, with the roar and approval of the crowd around them, his music dreams blazing brighter than ever, Luke actually believed it.
Luke and Mikeyfinished the rest of the concert, the crowd with them each and every step of the way. They shouted their approval after every number, and each time they did Luke couldn’t keep from beaming.
In fact, the crowd was so passionate about their new favorite musical couple and so swept up in the fervor of the concert that they demanded not one buttwoencores.
At last, however, they were done. They could finally be alone, and Luke was…well, he wasn’t sure what he was. Not yet, anyway.
By the time they got backstage they were both soaked with sweat, but neither of them minded. They were just happy to be together, happy the concert had been an unqualified success. For a good five minutes after it was over they just sort of stood there and gazed at each other, neither of them quite sure what to say or what to do.
At last, Mikey broke the silence.
“So,” he said. “There’s something I need to tell you.”
Luke shook his head.
“You don’t have to explain. I know things were complicated and messy back then, and I wasn’t really anything to you. I understand why you did what you did, and I forgive you.”
“But that’s just it,” Mikey said. “I wasn’t the one who told the reporter about your sexuality.” He took a deep breath. “It was Damian. He blurted out the truth right after I told you it was me.”
If the sky had fallen right on Luke’s head at that moment it wouldn’t have been any more stupefying. He tried to wrap his head around what Mikey was telling him, but things just refused to compute. Mikey hadn’t been the one to blurt out the truth about his sexuality? But…why hadn’t he told Luke the truth about things right afterward? Why had he kept on acting like he had done it? Why had he always looked so ashamed when Luke saw him every time after their confrontation?
“I know what you’re going to ask,” Mikey said, clearly reading the expression on his face. “And there’s no easy answer to the question. I guess…I guess I was just so hurt you could believe I’d do something like that, I didn’t even feel like it was worth trying to explain the truth, even if it meant you’d hate me for something I didn’t do. And let me tell you, Luke Carter, you can really be an asshole when your feelings are hurt.”
He took a deep breath, clearly searching for what he wanted to say next. “And, truth be told, I began to think maybe it just wasn’t worth trying to build something with someone who didn’t want to be with me, who didn’t even want to give me the chance to explain or to make amends.”
Luke hated to see the look of pain on Mikey’s face, and he hated even more that he’d been the cause of it. Looking back on it, he realized he really hadn’t been willing to give Mikey the benefit of the doubt. Confronted with something he didn’t want to deal with in an adult and mature way, he’d lashed out, retreating back into his tried and true methods of dealingwith things rather than utilizing the healthier mechanisms he’d learned.
The irony wasn’t lost on him that he’d been willing to give his aunt a bit of grace but hadn’t been willing to do so with Mikey, and his guilt and sense of shame was almost enough to crush him.
“But here’s the thing about you, Luke Carter,” Mikey went on. “No matter how much of an asshole you can be, it’s impossible to keep away from you. I couldn't stop thinking about you, and I found out I didn’twantto stop thinking about you. In fact, I wanted to get you back, and I was going to do it my way. Which is why I wrote the song. I needed to get all of my complicated feelings about us, who we were, who we are, and who we might be, into music. And then, when you started singing along to my song, with your own little bits added in, I knew I’d succeeded and that I didn’t want to be anywhere else except right beside you.”
He cocked his head to the side.
“Speaking of which…how did you know the song? You had to have known about it for a while, if you were able to learn it.”
He seemed genuinely curious, and now it was Luke’s turn to feel a bit embarrassed.
“The truth is…,” he began, “one day I heard you performing in the studio, and I was blown away by your talent.” He coughed a bit, not sure he wanted to say what he was going to say next.
No, I’m not going to censor myself. I can tell Mikey something important about his music without sounding like an asshole.
“It was the best, most honest, most heartfelt thing I’d ever heard you sing,” he said, “and it made me fall in love with you all over again. I know I probably should’ve just told you how I felt right then, but I…I didn’t have the words, and it all just seemed too much. So I thought I’d learnyourwords,yourmusic, andthen surprise you with a duet. I wanted to show you how much I believe in us being together, in every way.”
Mikey huffed out a sigh, but then it turned into a laugh. “Sometimes, Luke Carter, I honestly don’t know what to do with you. You have the most beautiful soul of anyone I’ve ever met, and yet somehow you also drive me absolutely crazy. Let me tell you something right now. We’re going to have to continue working on your communication skills. You can’t just walk around brooding and expect people to figure out what you’re thinking. If you have something on your mind, you have totalkto me. Is that clear?”
Luke gave him a level look.
“You’re right,” he said. “And I’m tellin’ you right now, I’m gonna continue working on that, and on myself. I want us to work together, and I want each of us to be worthy of the other’s love. And I’m sorry for being an asshole. I promise I’ll do better.”
Mikey’s face lit up.
