Page 69 of Hittin' the Right Note
“I think it’s time for you to get to bed, Mikey,” Damian says. “I can already see you’re starting to get sloppy.”
There are few things Mikey hates more than being condescended to. Damian’s patronizing tone reminds him too much of his mother.
“What if I don’t want to?” he demands. “You can’t make me do anything I don’t want to do. You’re not my mother.”
He knows he’s made a mistake. If there’s one thing Damian doesn’t like, it’s being thwarted.
I wish we hadn’t gotten drunk,he thinks.I wish I’d gone anywhere other than here tonight.
“I think,” Damian says slowly and softly, “ you should really go to bed before this gets any uglier. I really don’t want to have to do anything the both of us are going to regret.”
Mikey wants to fight back, to tell Damian he can fuck off, but he doesn’t. He needs him too much.
And so, hating himself more than a little, he gets to his feet and starts heading toward his bedroom.
As he gets ready for bed, Mikey can’t shake thoughts of Luke Carter from going through his head. He knows it’s stupid; there’s nothing between the two of them and hasn’t been for a long time. Still, when he closes his eyes, it’s Luke he thinks about, it’s Luke whose arms he wants around him, it’s Luke’s deep voice he wants to hear in his ear.
He remembers in particular one magical night, when the two of them had walked down near the creek, the sun already setting, the lightning bugs starting to flicker. It had been the most magical night in his entire young life and, even though he’s been all around the world and performed in some major venues, he’s never found the same feeling again.
I really was an idiot,he thinks.If I’d just told Luke how I really felt, I think the two of us would’ve been able to make it work. Somehow.
It’s a futile thought, but he likes imagining what it might have been like if he was with Luke, likes thinking about how the two of them would have built a life and a career together. He thinks about a cabin out in the middle of nowhere, West Virginia, just the two of them, maybe a dog…
So many wasted opportunities. They live now only in his dreams.
When, at last, he manages to drift off, he’s unsurprised to find his dreams populated by Luke Carter.
He wouldn’t have it any other way.
Mikey wakesup the next morning with the worst wine hangover he’s had in a very long time. It’s like there’s a hammer in theback of his head, pounding away. He’s aware there are meetings and recording sessions planned for today, but for the life of him he can’t find the energy to really care, let alone to get out of bed and start getting ready.
The previous night is almost entirely a blur. He thinks he remembers something about Luke, and he has vague recollections of the concert, but that’s about it.
He finally stirs when Damian starts pounding on the door, and even then it feels like the world is spinning around him. He takes a few deep breaths to keep from throwing up.
Damian, of course, decides to come striding into the room, having gotten tired of waiting. Despite the fact Mikey is naked, he goes right to the windows and, once again without waiting for Mikey to give him anything resembling permission, yanks them open.
Mikey groans and throws himself back on the bed, putting a hand over his eyes to try to shut out the stabbing pain in his head. It’s not really effective, though, and he’s starting to wonder whether, in fact, he might be dying.
“I know you’d rather lay around here all day than actually do something useful,” Damian says, voice dripping with contempt. “But you have a very busy day ahead of you, and I didn’t go to all the work of scheduling these appointments just for you to sit in bed and be hungover all day. So, rather than laying around, you’re going to get your ass out of bed, take some aspirin and drink some coffee, get some eggs down you, and we’re going to start the day right. Do I make myself clear?”
Mikey glares at Damian through his fingers, but if Damian is at all intimidated by this he doesn’t show it. In fact, unless Mikey is mistaken he actually looks like he’s gloating, though what he could have to gloat about he has no idea.
After he finally gets out of bed, the day goes much like most others do, with a round of meetings and video shoots, and evenan interview or two. It’s not until he’s back in his hotel room that he sees the news about Luke Carter being forcibly outed by some sneaky paparazzo, as well as his subsequent disappearance. Seeing what Luke is going through washes everything else out of his mind.
I have to call him,he thinks.He needs to know he’s not alone.
But of course Mikey doesn’t end up calling Luke. In fact, he doesn’t even answer any of the questions a few journalists ask of him, preferring to give them a simple “no comment.”
If he’s being honest, the idea of Luke being with other men drives him crazy with jealousy, and the sight of him kissing that man on some sleazy website…he can’t get it out of his mind.
When it comes down to it, though, he’s also just not brave enough to make that call. Calling Luke to offer his sympathy would almost certainly open up a whole Pandora’s box of emotions and baggage, and he can’t afford the distraction right now. It’s a weak excuse and he knows it.
Damian, of course, rushes to reassure him he’s doing the right thing.
“He got careless,” Damian says. “He can figure his shit out on his own without your help. If you reach out to him now, he’s only going to drag you down with him. Just stay focused on your own career, Mikey, and if you want to come out as pan…well, we can make sure it goes just the way we want it to.”
Figures,Mikey thinks.Heaven forbid we actually Luke show a little grace right now.
