Page 51 of Hittin' the Right Note
“I need some time to think about all of this,” Luke said at last. “I want to forgive. I do. It’s just…I have had a lot of pain from the years, Mikey, a lot of pain, and it’s going to take me some time to get over it. Can you give me time?”
Mikey would’ve given him anything at the moment, particularly since he was holding out the promise that maybe, just maybe, things might be okay between the two of them. It wasn’t a lot to start hanging his hopes on, but it was better than nothing.
And so, as he did so often in these situations, he gave Luke what he hoped was a convincing smile.
“Of course,” he said. “Take all the time you need.”
“Good,” Luke said. “I’ll be back in a bit. I just need…to go think.”
And he was gone, and Mikey was left alone with only his unsatisfying thoughts for company.
CHAPTER 19
LUKE—2015
Luke had learned a lot in the decade since he’d dated Mikey, and one of the most important lessons he’d learned was: when you were overwhelmed emotionally, it was best to get out of the situation before it escalated beyond your control. And boy were Mikey’s confessions overwhelming.
It turned out spending time in therapy after his exile was one of the best things he could’ve done.
And so, just as he’d done the night before, he got out of Mikey’s space and into his own.
I sure am leaving Mikey alone in my house a lot,he thought,but I think I can trust him not to rob the place. I guess.
Things had gotten a lot more complicated than he’d anticipated, far more quickly than he’d have thought possible. Luke had invited Mikey up here because he hoped the two of them might be able to rekindle some of what they’d had before. Now that Mikey was here, and all of the ghosts of the past were being brought up, none of it seemed as simple as it had before. Mikey wasn’t the same person he used to be–he was able to take accountability for his actions, for one thing–and it was going to take Luke a while to wrap his head around the new Mikey
Why can’t things ever be simple?
It was the kind of answerless question his therapist had told him not to indulge in too often. It was better to tackle things head-on rather than to waste too much time trying to live in a nonexistent world.
I hate when she’s right,he thought grumpily.It was so much easier when I could just do things my own way.
But he knew that wasn’t really true, either. Doing things his own way was as likely to cause trouble as it was to solve anything, as his self-imposed exile had shown. It might’ve solved the immediate problem of what to do about his outing–it was amazing how disappearing from public view could cause a problem to go away–but it had done nothing to resolve any of the root issues. As everyone, from his therapist to Bryce, had told him, avoiding problems just made them get worse in the long run, and he had a feeling it was going to be true with Mikey. Mikey was in his houseright now,no doubt wondering where he’d gone off to and when he’d get back.
Damn it,he thought.
He walked down by Fish Creek for a while. His property extended for quite a way, and there was something calming both about the environment and about the fact this land washis,and no one could take it away from him. He might not have the success he once had, and he might be a pariah to most of the music world, and he might still be a bit of an emotional mess, but at least he had a little slice of peace.
As he walked, he relished the sound of the creek rushing in its backs, of the wind rustling through the trees, of the sweet chirping and singing of the birds. His home was always peaceful, it seemed like, and he was glad the gas companies hadn’t yet managed to come so far.
You can only wander around the property for so long,he said to himself.Mikey’s not going to wait up there forever, and it’s really not fair for you to just…leave him.
That was the rub, wasn’t it? He’d meant what he said to Mikey. He was hurting, and as much as he wanted to forgive and move on and maybe do more –and as much as he yearned for Mikey to come running out of the house just then–the truth was his mind was still a jumbled up mess of mixed emotions he didn’t know what to do with.
And yet…he couldn’t forget the look in Mikey’s eyes, and or the fact he’d actually apologized for what he’d done, something Luke didn’t know he was capable of even contemplating, let alone doing. Didn’t it all add up to something? Didn’t it all suggest a possibility for rekindling what they’d had, if Luke could bring himself to see it?
Maybe I will,he thought.But first, let’s make sure we can collaborate. AndI need to make sure he feels welcome and comfortable here.
It wasn’t going to be easy, but he was going to do everything in his power to make sure Mikey knew here, at least, he could be home.
Well,Luke thought,let’s do this.
When he got backto the house Mikey was sitting where he’d left him. Duke, of course, was sprawled in his lap like the traitor he was. For a few minutes Luke just stood there and looked at the two of them. It occurred to him that a much younger Luke Carter would’ve given almost anything to have Mikey Smiles sitting in his cabin with his dog on his lap. Truth be told, the older version was pretty excited about the development, too, at least if the faster beating of his heart was anything to go by.
It was unfair, really, just how casually handsome Mikey looked, just sitting there on Luke’s couch in his T-shirt and joggers. The sun streaming through the windows glinted in his curls, picking out the shades of bronze that had emerged as hegot older. Luke had often wondered whether they were real or not, but at the moment he didn’t really care. What mattered was how he found himself wanting to throw himself on Mikey and ravage him on the spot.
Mikey must have sensed something of what he was thinking, because he looked up, an undeniable smirk on his face.
He gestured at Duke.
