Page 53 of My Dead Wife's Ex Will Do
I take a sip of my whiskey instead of answering. “Do you still believe in God, Kelsey?”
She looks at me, like she knows I’m avoiding her question, then stretches her legs out in front of her and takes a deep breath and lets it out. “I don’t know, Dad. Sometimes, when I’m diving and I look around at the vastness of the ocean and all the life in it that’s so very, very different from us, I feel something that might be closest to a belief in God. Then, when I’m back at the lab and looking at all the data we’ve accumulated about just the one species of octopus I’ve been studying, for example, I think science has legitimately sounded a death knell for believing in some all-seeing, all-knowing creator who gives two shits about what any random humans do in bed with each other.”
“Well, I’m not sure how much the God I believe in really cares about what people do in bed together, either, as long as they’re not hurting anyone else.”
Kelsey gives me another sideways look and, Mother of Mercy, I did not mean that the way it sounds. For the love of all the saints in heaven, please, please do not let my stepdaughter take that as confessing that I know anything about kinky sex with her father. Or her mother, for that matter. Or anyone.
Kelsey shakes her head. “I’m still weirded out by all this. Just so you know. But I love you. And I want you to be happy. Even if it takes you a while to figure out what that looks like.” She drains the last of her whiskey, then tucks the bottle and her glass back in her bag.
“Thank you, honey.”
She stands, then hesitates. “One more thing.”
“Yeah?”
“Be careful with Daddy.” Her voice is firm but not unkind. “I know you said you won’t hurt him. But he’s been alone a long time, too. And I worry—“ She stops, presses her lips together, then continues. “I think this might mean more to him than you realize.”
Before I can ask her what she means by that, she’s already heading down the path toward the restaurant.
I sit for another moment, watching the tanagers return to the railing, and finish my whiskey.
I think this might mean more to him than you realize.
Is she right? I’ve been so focused on my own confusion—my own guilt, my own fear—that I haven’t stopped to think about what Victor might be feeling. He’s been patient with me. Generous. He’s let me set the pace, take what I wanted, without asking for anything in return.
He said he’s fine with casual sex. What if he’s not as casual about this as I’ve assumed?
I push the thought away and stand up.
Tomorrow, I walk my daughter down the aisle. That’s enough to think about for now.
Twenty-Five
Victor
I’m on the balcony in the casita, watching the sun set over the valley, when there’s a knock at the door. It’s not Jason. He texted me a few minutes ago that he’s still at the birding platform, plus he wouldn’t knock anyway.
When I cross to the door, Kelsey is standing on the step. She’s still wearing what she wore for the rehearsal, a flowy sundress in pale green, and her eyes are a little red-rimmed, but she looks calmer than she has in days.
"Can I come in?"
I step back and hold the door open. She walks past me into the living area and stops in the middle of the room, turning to face me.
"I talked to Dad."
“Good.” I lean against the back of the sofa, giving her space. "How'd it go?"
“Good. I guess.” She wraps her arms around herself. The temperature drops with the sun here and I feel an instinctive, parental need to tell her she should get a sweater. “He didn’t exactly explain everything.”
I bet he didn’t. Talking about his feelings isn’t exactly one of Jason’s strengths.
She’s quiet for a moment, rubbing her hands up and down her arms. Then she drops them to her sides. “He says it’s not a fling. Whatever’s happening between you two.”
I wasn't expecting that. Jason, admitting to Kelsey that this is more than casual? I don't know what to do with that information.
"He said that?"
"He said it's complicated." She looks up at me. "But when I asked if it was just a fling, he said no. I don’t think he meant to, but it was pretty definitive, actually."
