Page 52 of So I'll Know
He grimaces. “Edibles. I ate two.”
“What?” I stop him and cup his face, my eyes bouncing between his. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I just . . .” He sighs. “I just wanted to relax. Everyone kept texting me, wanting me to fix their problems.”
“Problems?”
“Charlie is worried about her friend, Fiona. She went radio silent. But, like, her mom died the same day her girlfriend broke up with herandshe lost her job.” He stops and gives me a very serious look, and his eyes are a little glassy. “Poor Fi. I mean, imagine how that feels? I’d want to be alone too.”
I nod. “Yeah, wow. That’s a lot for one person all at once.”
He squeezes my hand, wipes his eyes, and starts walking again. “And Sebastian needed to find insurance paperwork.”
“Insurance? Did something happen in Vancouver?”
“Just one of our regular patrons. An ex-hockey player. He’s kind of a handful. Causes a lot of issues. I honestly don’t know why Seb tolerates him.” He grimaces. “And then my dad texted to remind me about Skynet’s Thanksgiving fundraiser that I’m skipping this weekend, and I lied and said I was sick, so he showed up butthurt at the pub and freaked Tris out; so thenhetexted me too.” He stops again and faces me, his eyes intense. “I don’t always want to be the person they want me to be.”
I cock my head. “What do you mean?”
“I’m always fixing their problems, but really, I just want to fixmy ownproblems, you know?” His voice cracks on the last words, and my heart aches for him.
“And what problems are those?”
He steps closer. “You.”
“I’m a problem?” I ask huskily as our breaths mingle.
“You’re a huge problem.”
“And why’s that?”
Marcus snakes a large hand over my hip, his fingers sliding under my shirt, rubbing against my bare skin. “Because I want to kiss you and touch you all the time, but I can’t tell you that because it’s insane. Until several weeks ago, I thought I was straight. Now, I’m . . . crooked.”
I laugh, but Marcus swallows it up with a searing kiss. I stiffen in surprise, but as our lips slide together, I can’t stop the quiet moan that vibrates my throat. His tongue tangles with mine, making me dizzy with need. And just when I feel lust overtaking my senses, he pulls away with a sultry smirk and continues toward Haystack Rock, leading me like I have no choice.
And I don’t. I have no choice. I’m so fucked right now.
We skirt around signs and yellow tape laid out to protect the habitat, and wade through the rush of the incoming tide to reach the accessible tide pools, stepping carefully over rocks and navigating between patches of sand. The pools are full of small minnows, tiny crabs, teal sea anemones, and purple and orange starfish. Muscles, barnacles, and algae dot the expanse of rock that rises above us like a small mountain.
Marcus takes it all in like a little kid, excitedly pointing out each sea creature like it’s the first time he’s seen it. I’ve seen Marcus mostly as a driven businessman—always so serious—and this version of him is a stark contrast. I can’t help the way my heart flutters watching him explore. Is this the Marcus he keeps hidden from the world? Just a boy who wants to be his authentic self? Who wants to be accepted? I can relate hard.
He crouches down to look at a starfish and almost falls face-first into the water. I grab the back of his shirt, stumble over myown feet, and fall at his side, the cold salt water seeping into my pants.
Marcus looks dismayed. “I think you ruined your sexy clothes.”
I grin because I don’t think he realizes how unfiltered he is right now. “Sexy, huh?”
“Shit.” He rubs the back of his head. “Did I say that out loud?”
Case in point.“You did.”
I straighten my leg and our thighs press together.
He looks back at the starfish. “When I was a kid, my dad and stepmom, Ellen, would take us down here.” A sad smile curves his lips. “Seb, Charlie, and I would splash through the water, but my stepmom hated to get wet, so my dad would lift her up and give her a piggyback ride through the deeper spots.” He absently digs a hole in the sand with his pointer finger. “I miss the sound of her laugh.”
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay. But I wish she were still here. Maybe my dad would have been . . . different.” He sighs. “After my mom died, he was so closed off for a while. I was young, but I remember him being gone a lot. Then my stepmom came along, and it’s like she healed him a bit. But then she died too. So maybe he finally just stopped hiding who he really was. I don’t know. All I know is that I felt betrayed because he wasn’t my dad anymore.” He huffs a bitter laugh, the sound making my chest squeeze. “And yet I still want him to be proud of me. I let him lead my life in whatever direction he wanted, and now I’m so lost, I don’t even know who I am anymore.” He shakes his head before giving me an apologetic look. “I don’t know why I’m telling you this. You lost both your parents.”
