Page 139 of So I'll Know
“Yes, honey. Let the paramedics have him. They’re going to help him.”
“Son, let him go. We need to take him to the hospital.” I look up at the man, who pulls me to my feet and guides me into the living room. I stare numbly as someone brings in a stretcherand Jeremy is wheeled out of the building. Marion comes up beside me and puts her arms around my back. She’s crying too. I turn my face into her shoulder and seek comfort in her warmth.
He’s okay. He has to be okay.
There’s an ambulance outside. Red and white lights reflect through the window, bouncing around Jeremy’s perfect apartment like an unwelcome intruder. They stain his colorful curtains, his mismatched furniture, his overstuffed bookcases. It feels like a violation.
Marion takes my hand and drags me outside. It’s raining hard now, the water soaking my skin and masking tears. But they’re still there. I can taste the saltiness. It reminds me of kissing Jeremy on the beach, the ocean water commingling on our lips. That’s where we should be. Not here. Not like this.
“Who’s going with him?” the paramedic asks.
Marion looks at me, offering me the choice, but I know it’s not where I belong. I’m not good for him. He told me once we were toxic, and he was right. He hurt himself because of me. He almost died.
But he’ll be okay.
“You go,” I say to her, giving her a sad smile. “And tell him I said goodbye.”
“Marcus—”
“Tell him I love him.” Without waiting for her reply, I turn and take off down the street, shivering uncontrollably as I wrap my arms around my bare chest. I hear the sound of the ambulance doors slamming closed and the wail of the sirens before they fade into the night, and I just keep running.
For the first time since I was eleven years old, I don’t feel his presence anymore.
He’s really gone, and I’m truly alone.
CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX
MARCUS
APRIL
Istare at the clipboard in my hand, going over the checklist in my head. Brothers’ Beer & Bourbon in Seattle will officially open in a few minutes, and I want this to go smoothly, so I’m anxious as hell. But I’m even more anxious because John and I have our meeting at Skynet tonight.
Sebastian sidles up beside me and places a hand on my shoulder, looking at me from the corner of his eye as we survey the dining room. “You doing okay?”
“Yeah, I’m good,” I reply just as Tris runs past, his arms waving dramatically while he barks orders. “Definitely better than Tristan is doing.”
We had a really nice write-up inThe Seattle Timesabout the restaurant opening. Not only did the article praise all of Jeremy’s hard work, but one of the publication’s food critics visited during our soft opening, and their review of Sebastian’s new menu was glowing.
Sebastian pats me on the shoulder again and starts toward the kitchen. I stare after him with a frown. He’s trying to actnormal, but I think he’s still pissed at me. After he rolled into town last night, he signed the paperwork that will make John our sole investor. He also insisted on coming to the meeting with me and John tonight.
The backdoor swings open, and I hear Charlie, Link, and Trey enter the pub. Charlie spots me immediately and runs up, throwing her arms around my waist.
“Marcus! This is so exciting!” she babbles. “There’s a line outside. Did you know?”
I hug her back, kissing the top of her hair. “I did know,” I reply with a wink.
I pull away from her only to be tackled by Trey as he tries, unsuccessfully, to lift me off my feet. I grimace and pat his back awkwardly. “This place is awesome,” he says with a huge grin as he releases me.
Link gives me a dark look. “I’m not hugging you.”
“Thank God for that,” I mutter.
Charlie and the guys sit at the bar, ordering drinks just as patrons filter in. We started taking reservations a couple of weeks ago after the firstTimesarticle came out, and we’re booked up through May, which feels a bit surreal. I can’t help the lilt of melancholy that pulls at my chest. The space is stunningly perfect: warm wood finishes and rustic stone accents, with greenery sprinkled throughout, and walls adorned with local art. There’s still an empty spot on the mantel, and I have no intention of filling it.
Jeremy should be here, enjoying this success with me. He touched everything with his light. I miss him so goddamn much. It’s been just under two months since we last saw each other.
Marion told me that after Jeremy was released from the hospital, he packed up and moved to Portland to be with his aunt and closer to Cannon Beach. I read about his work on Flash’s place in the little Cannon Beach newspaper, and itsounds like it went very well. The article was picked up by a bunch of major Oregon news outlets, so I’m sure he’s in high demand now. I’m so fucking proud of him, and I’m glad he’s doing well, all things considered.
