Page 31 of Disarm
You didn’t push too hard.
You just scared me a little.
I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have run.
I’ll call you tomorrow, okay?
I read the texts three times before I let myself breathe. My chest loosens, slow and painful, and I stare at the phone until the screen goes dark again.
Miguel
Okay. Get some sleep, baby. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.
Caleb
Goodnight, baby.
I roll onto my side, facing the empty space where he should be, and fall asleep to the sound of the light rain that starts to fall outside the window—steady, endless, waiting.
Caleb 2:03 AM
I know I don’t say it. But I love you, too. Sometimes I don’t feel worthy of your love and it scares me that you’re so sure about me.
But I do love you, Miguel. So fucking much.
Just thought you should know that.
NINE
CALEB
Iwake up with a pounding headache that feels like guilt made solid. It’s barely eight. My dorm room’s still dark, it’s overcast outside, and it makes the world look soft and far away.
Much like my thoughts.
The sheets are twisted around my legs, and my phone’s on the pillow beside me, the screen lit up with the last messages I sent at two in the morning.
I love you, too.
I should feel better after sending it.But I don’t.
It just makes my stomach twist tighter.
Miguel hasn’t replied, which is fair.I don’t deserve a reply yet.Not after bolting out of his place like that.
I scrub a hand over my face and stare at the ceiling, trying to untangle the mess in my head. The look on his face when I left—it’s burned there, right behind my eyelids. Hurt. Confused.
All because I couldn’t breathe the second he saidhusband.
The word hit me like a loaded gun. Not because I don’t want him. I do.
God, I do.
But forever? I can’t even picture next month without something breaking.
Still… he didn’t mean it like pressure. He meant it like faith. Like he believes there’s a version of me that could handle that kind of love someday.
And that thought terrifies me almost more than losing him. Because how? How can he want me to be his forever when I can’t even make plans to go on a vacation with him? The thought of a few months from now feels like a fantasy?
