Page 5 of Disarm
I should feel full.
Instead, there’s an ache under my ribs, the kind that never really leaves.
I pull out my phone.
Caleb
Thanks for dinner.
And the talk.
Miguel
Anytime. Text me when you’re home.
Caleb
I will.
Miguel
Good. I like knowing you’re safe.
I stare at the last message until the screen goes dark.
Safe.
If he only knew how far from that I really am.
TWO
MIGUEL
The apartment feels wrong after he leaves.
It’s too quiet. Too still. Silence that hums under your skin until you can’t ignore it anymore.The only silence I want is his.
I clean the rest of the dishes in the sink even though there are only three. Wipe the counters. Rinse the sink twice. It doesn’t matter. It's his voice that still lingers in the air. That soft, tired laugh he gave me when he told me I made things sound easy.
He doesn’t get it.
Nothing about loving him is easy. But I would rather struggle through loving him than not have him at all.
He is worth it. Even when he doesn’t believe it.
The shower’s still damp when I walk back into the bathroom. Steam ghosts over the mirror. His scent lingers in the air—soap and sweat and something faintly metallic, the way rain smells when it hits warm pavement. My throat tightens. I grip the edge of the counter until my knuckles ache.
He looked better tonight. Still pale, still too thin, but he ate. He let me touch him.That’s something.But I know thedifference between holding him and saving him, and I’m not naïve enough to think I’ve done the latter.
I dry the mirror with a towel and catch my own reflection. My eyes are bloodshot from the day. Hair damp, shirt still clinging from the humidity. I look older than twenty-three, like someone who’s lived a lifetime inside of guilt.
“Take care of him, mijo. He needs love.”
Mom’s voice echoes in my head, soft but unshakable.
That was months ago, the night she caught us.
She’d walked out of the kitchen late, past midnight. Caleb and I were in the entryway—he was a little drunk, brave with his lips on mine. I thought she’d gone to bed. I thought we were safe.
