Page 96 of Just Listen
He nodded, before glimpsing at me. “That wouldn’t be an issue, would it?”
“Umm, no. Not at all. Listen, I don’t know the ins of outs and what went on between you and Paisley. I don’t know if she’s played roles in helping you make money or what. It’s not my job to come along, and try to dictate what she does and doesn’t deserve. That much is between you and her. And knowing that you don’t want to leave her in a fucked-up position tells me a lot about the type of man you are. It’s something to see…when a man decides that he doesn’t want a woman, but still handles her with careful consideration.”
“Yeah…right.” He nodded.
“But that wasn’t my only concern,” I admitted. “This is still fresh. I mean, I’m obviously enjoying this time with you…but for all we know, this could just be infatuation. On both ends. I could be enticed by the idea of giving my baby a family. Then maybe…you enjoy fucking me, and this newness excites you. Or this could be the real thing. I don’t know. But just to ensure that we weren’t moving too fast, and you’re thinking clearly, maybe youshould’ve taken some real time to look at everything. Like give yourself a period where you’re not sliding between my legs to see if this is really something deeper. Because…I don’t wanna wake up feeling blindsided one day, after you’ve realized that you still have feelings for her, and wanna make it work.”
“Mannn,” he drawled. “Now, you tripping. I can tell you that much.”
“What do you mean?”
“Cause you listening to a muthafucka that’s going through it, and is struggling to accept reality. Clearly, she’s so convincing that it’s making you question what it is between us. Now, all I can do is show you through my actions, and you’ll let your guards down when you get comfortable. I understand that it gotta happen naturally. So, I’m not tripping. I got patience. But as far as this concept of me taking a step back from you…what the fuck was you gonna be doing, while I did that, Jaylah? Was you gonna wait for me?”
I frowned. “Ewe. Hell, no.”
He nodded. “My point exactly. Plus, I’m a realist. You just got up and slept somewhere else for one night, and I was about to lose my fucking mind. You gave me too much space, if you asked me, and I didn’t like how that shit felt. So, fuck doing what seems the most mature to the outside world. I don’t care if it seems like I didn’t take a break in between relationships. Cause the truth of the matter is that it really wasn’t a big gap. But I don’t care. This is what I want. This is what I’m focused on. Shit, I think you know that, but you’re letting that guilty conscience talk for you. And that’s not something I can help you with. You and only you gotta make peace with the fact that you with me, despite the fact that it hurts somebody you was cool with. So, even if it hurts her to her core, we’re choosing us. Yeah,it probably makes us villains in her story, and you gotta learn to be okay with that. Otherwise, we’ll go in circles, because that would be something that you’re letting hold us back. I need you completely in this, Jaylah, or Ion want it.”
Gradually, I nodded. “I’m completely in this.”
“Okay, cool. So, know that I’m not Paisley’s ex. I’myournigga. That’s it. That’s all. And move accordingly.”
Three months later…
Malice
“What you say?” I spoke into my cell, while sitting behind the wheel of my Rover. I was parked outside of a gambling shack in the hood, preparing to make another move.
“I got your money,” Chaz, the nigga who ran one of my traps, reported.
“Okay. Somebody will be there to pick it up in a few,” I let him know.
“Alright. I’ll be at the spot, waiting,” Chaz responded.
“Yeah,” I agreed, before ending the call.
“Trap phone stay jumping, huh?” PJ chuckled, as he was reclined in my passenger’s seat.
“Nigga,” I sighed heavily, dragging a palm across my face. “That’s a fucking understatement.”
“That’s what happens when you pretend to be a house nigga to bag the broad you want. Been in the house too much, now the business is calling.”
Leaning my head sideways, I smirked. “And there you go.”
“Shit, you know it’s true. You been missing in action like a muthafucka.”
“I know, I know.” I yawned. “I guess I just never realized how demanding this street shit is. With Paisley…we didn’t have kids or nothing. So, I could spend a day with her, here and there, and she was good. But with Jaylah and Khari…it feels like there’s never enough hours in the day. And when I come in real late…I be feeling guilty as fuck. Especially cause with each day, my baby girl is getting more attached to me. She knows my voice and shit. I can calm her down, even when her mama can’t, sometimes.”
“That’s what’s up.” PJ nodded. “My kids be geeked up whenever I can spend time too, but I always tell them that daddy gotta get it. So, I can’t be in the house like that.”
I shook my head. “Nigga, you tripping.”
“I’m tripping?” He frowned. “How you figure that?”
“Because. Hustling is supposed to be a means to a end. Not the point of it all. Sounds like you got shit twisted. Because you live the lifestyle you live, you should wanna spend as much time as possible. And you gotta know that money can’t stand in the place of you actually showing up.”
PJ shook his head in disagreement. “You know that it aint no such thing as halfway in these streets, right?”
“Nah. Aint no rules to this shit. It’s whatever you make it. Shit, one of the main reasons that niggas love being in the streets is that you don’t answer to nobody. And you choosing to go to the club most nights, and hanging on the block to shoot dice is a choice, nigga. So, you sound crazy saying that your kids basically gotta understand that the streets comes first.”
