Page 83 of Just Listen
Disappointedly, I shook my head. “The funny part about this is that you don’t even realize that he aint the first teammate of my brother’s to approach me. It’s been several. As well as a whole slew of players on my brother-in-law's football team. There’s rappers. Actors. You name it. So, I’m not geeked up over his interest in me. If anything, it just opened my eyes, and reminded me of who the fuck I am. And that’s somebody that aint gotta deal with an uncertain nigga. So, now I’m doing what I should’ve done from the beginning. I’m stepping back, until you handle that. And that’s all there is to it.”
Malice
I had been riding around the city for a few hours, aimlessly. Jaylah had told me that she wanted me to leave her house, but I wasn’t trying to hear her. However, instead of clowning with me, she simply gathered her and Khari’s things, andtheyleft, leaving me in the house alone. After a couple of hours, I was a littleantsy, and then irritated when she texted me, letting me know that she wouldn’t be back that night.
Honestly? I thought that she was bluffing, until three o’clock in the morning rolled around, and she wasn’t back. By the next morning, I was wide awake, calling her phone back-to-back. She never bothered answering, and I didn’t know where the fuck she’d taken my daughter. Needless to say, I was pissed, and had left the house, but still didn’t bother taking any of my clothes with me.
Then instead of immediately going to my mama’s or to the house I shared with Paisley, I decided to ride and clear my head. At some point, it dawned on me that I’d been tripping. Ever since I’d left my house, I had been just doing whatever, with no real thought behind it. There was nothing wrong with me establishing a bond with my baby, but fucking Jaylah was something entirely different. I’d done that shit without hesitation, never considering what would happen in the long run.
Deep down, I knew that shit wasn’t fair. Not to Paisley nor Jaylah. I also had to acknowledge that Jaylah was right. I was doing entirely too much, and taking up way too much space in her life, when I hadn’t even decided what I was doing with Paisley. So, at three o’clock in the middle of the day, I decided to finally pull up to my crib.
Judging by the fact that her Porsche was parked in the driveway, I knew that Paisley was home. It had been nearly a month since she’d asked me to stop by the house for a talk. Since then, those texts had gotten belligerent, and I couldn’t even be mad at her. I’d placed her and our situation on the backburner, and that wasn’t cool.
Stepping into the house, everything looked the same…but it felt different for me. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it, but it was something different in the air.
“Aye, aye,” I announced my arrival, before stepping into the living room.
Sitting on the couch with a laptop in her lap, Paisley lifted her head and stared at me. Admittedly, she was dressed down, in pajamas, with her thick hair in a bun, but was still gorgeous. Really, no matter what was going on, she was always attractive to me. However, I also couldn’t ignore how there was no longer a magnetic pull between us. As I gazed at her, I felt nothing, and was just finally realizing that. Or acknowledging it.
“What’s up?” I asked, as I strolled over to the couch, and sat beside her.
Placing the laptop on the opposite side, she gazed at me, seeming perplexed. “What happened?”
I frowned in confusion. “What you mean?”
“I’m saying. I asked you to come home, way last month. Ever since then, it’s been a runaround. You don’t answer my calls. Barely respond to my texts. And now, you’re just here. Out of nowhere.”
I furrowed a brow. “So, you want me to leave?”
She sighed. “Don’t…don’t do that to me, Khamere. Like seriously. After everything we’ve been through, don’t flip this and turn into a fuck boy.”
Hearing that, I dropped my head, accepting that I was on some fuck-shit. I once prided myself on being blunt and clear about shit. So, tap dancing around shit wasn’t usually my style. She deserved more than that from me.
“Look, I…I apologize,” I let her know.
She nodded, while tucking her lips into her mouth. “So…where have you been staying?”
I rubbed the side of my face. “Mostly with my baby.”
“With your baby, huh?” She scoffed, while her nostrils flared. “Her mama too, right?”
I scratched my jaw. “Yeah. That too.”
Shaking her head, she exhaled. “I still can’t believe this shit. One minute, I’m crying because I wanna have your baby. Then the next, I find out that you already have a baby. I get in my feelings. Say some shit that I really don’t mean. Then you run off to be with this girl. Like we wasn’t just in love. Or was it just me? Was I in love by myself, Khamere?”
Licking my lips, I thought about it. “I love you, for sho. I mean…I’ma always love you. But sometimes…when you been with somebody for a while…you stick to it, because that’s what you was programmed to do. Not because you just gotta be with that person. Or you can’t be without them. You still with it, because it’s familiar. It feels safe.”
She scowled. “And that’s how you feel about me? I’m just safe?”
I inhaled, wanting to choose my words carefully. “Ion wanna reduce you down to just that. You know that a nigga used to be crazy about you—”
“Used to?” Tears filled her eyes. “So…you don’t love me, anymore?”
“I feel…I feel like…if I was still in love…then I wouldn’t feel the way that I feel about…her.”
Her lashes fluttered. “But this doesn’t make sense. You…You said that you never cheated. So, how does a fucking one-night stand have you immediately questioning where you belong?”
I cleared my throat. “I never said that she was a one-night stand.”
