Page 9 of Don't Date Your Ex Best Friend
Kiara
CHAPTERTWENTY-THREE
5th September, Wednesday
I am so done with this life.She’s dead.My mother is dead ...oh, God.
I can’t keep going on like this, Ethan.I am tired.Fucking exhausted.The worst part is that when she was in pain, I was busy having sex with you in the school cubicle.I hate myself.I hate this body.I hate everything.
It broke me to see my dad cry, hear my brother’s muffled sobs and your warm tears on my skin when you cried, hiding your face in my neck.I couldn’t cry but let silent tears slide down my face.
I got angry with myself when you said you didn’t want to touch me like that or even help me forget.I hurt you using my words, but you didn’t run away.
Why didn’t you?You can’t let me do that to you, Ethan.Maybe it’s a good thing I left in the end.
I want nothing but the hurt to swallow me whole and drown in my own tears.
CHAPTERTWENTY-FOUR
5th October, Friday
It’s been a month since my mom passed away.It’s also been a month since I stopped writing.How could I when the pen and my reflection remind me of my dead mother?
I thought things would change, but most of it has stayed the same.The world goes on whether or not you’re suffering.
Thank you, Ethan, for scolding me and getting me to eat, and to stop pretending to sleep all the time.I would wake up with a nightmare and you’d always be there, calming me down and bathing me in warm water if I had a panic attack.You are truly an angel.
I know you saw how skinny I had become and heard me puking out the food as soon as I ate.You are stubborn when you want something.Even if it means taking care of me and learning how to make Indian food for me.You burnt the curry yesterday with the pan, but I forgave you because you looked adorable with a sheepish smile.
I gave you your sketch I was working on.Before Karan ruined it and I had the guts to sketch it again.
But, hey, you loved it, so that’s something.You showed it through something else, which was a bonus.
Even though we broke my bed and my dad grounded me for ‘jumping too much on the bed.’I knew you were holding your laugh standing buck naked in my closet, you loveable fool!
Sigh.Is it bad that I forgive you for breaking one thing I love more than you?It’s like my favorite thing broke my other favorite thing.Even though you’re not a thing to me, you already know that.
In case you’re wondering, we have already ordered a new bed for me and it’s tougher than the last one but please, don’t break this one, too.
Love,
Kiara
CHAPTERTWENTY-FIVE
11th October, Thursday
So ...
I had my first and last lesbian encounter.
Remember, we had rough and almost jealous sex in your car after we left the library?I know I was riding you hard (you didn’t complain) but I was jealous, okay?Probably you were, too.
That is why we had so much fun with the chocolate cake.You know what I mean.
Love,
Kiara
