Page 141 of Just Watch Me
You’ll take your long walk when Maureen and Granddad come by to make dinner,she reminded herself.With your audiobook. That’ll be good. You can even go have a coffee.
And read some more. Brilliant.
The doorbell rang, and Snowball jumped off the couch andstreaked for the stairs. A shout from downstairs, probably, “I’ll get it!” A minute later, Duncan coming up the stairs holding Snowball, with somebody behind him. A dark-haired woman holding an enormous vase of flowers.Beautifulflowers, all white and dusty green.
Duncan said, “She’s in here,” then came over and dumped Snowball back onto the couch. “He tried to escape again. It’s a good thing I’m fast.”
“It is,” Skylar said. “Well done.” She was on her feet, saying, “Hi. I’m Skylar Fairburn. Are those for me?” They couldn’t be from Zane. He’d already sent flowers. So who? She hadn’t told Jess. She hadn’t felt able to face the questions. Maybe by the time school started again.
“They are,” the woman said. “Where would you like them? You probably aren’t meant to be lifting heavy things at the moment, and I’m afraid this arrangementisrather heavy.”
“Uh … dining table, I guess,” Skylar said. “If you’d move the tulips to the kitchen benchtop.” How did she know about the lifting? “Those are beautiful, but I don’t understand what?—”
“Just a second,” the woman said, and set the arrangement on the table as Scarlett whisked the tulips off it, reveling in her new role as Queen of the Household. The woman tweaked a few stems, then turned to Skylar with the warmest possible smile, held out a hand, and said, “I’m Zora Fletcher. Rhys Fletcher’s wife.”
“Oh.” Skylar shook hands, confused. “Zane’s coach at the Blues? I didn’t?—”
“I’m a florist,” Zora said. “The flowers are from the All Blacks. There’s a card in there. Would you like it?”
“Well … yes, of course.”
All our sympathy,the card read.From the All Blacks whanau.She teared up, of course. “It’s very kind,” she managed to say. “ButI’m surprised.”
“Don’t be,” Zora said. “They do that. This game is hard on families. They know the women carry the burden, and the hardest part is going through things like this alone.”
Skylar put the card back into the envelope. Thank goodness they’d told the kids, or this conversation would’ve raised so many questions. “Can I get you a cup of tea? Do you have time?”
“If you’re feeling up to it,” Zora said, “I’d love one. Rhys is home with the kids. We’ll call it a girls’ day out.”
Skylar laughed. “Not too exciting for you, I’m afraid.” She busied herself with the electric jug and the teabags. “I’m going a bit mad, to tell you the truth. I’m not used to this much leisure. The kids have been awesome about helping out, but?—”
“Because Dad set up a schedule with us,” Scarlett said. “And he’s checking that we’re following it, but he doesn’t have to. We know how to be responsible.”
“You certainly do,” Skylar said. “And I appreciate it. Would you like to take our tea out on the terrace, Zora? It’s getting warmer every day, eh. Spring. Such a wonderful season.” Talking too much, but she was off balance. The All Blacks had sent her flowers? And Zane’s coach’s wife was delivering them? Not just that, but wanting to talk to her?
The breeze was fresh outside, the sun was shining, and Skylar sank into a chair with a sigh. She should’ve sat out here more. She already felt better just being in the open air. “Thank you for the flowers,” she said again. “They’re lovely, and they smell, too. Florist’s flowers usually don’t have much scent. What are they?”
“White snapdragons in with the white roses, and some eucalyptus for contrast. It’s the snapdragons you smell. I like frilly flowers like that, myself.”
“White for grief, I guess,” Skylar said, because it was awkward, not acknowledging it.
“Yes,” Zora said. “For pregnancy loss, especially, I like to do white. It’s the innocence that hurts so much.”
Skylar’s throat was closing. “It shouldn’t,” she managed to say. “It was an ectopic pregnancy, so it couldn’t grow. It wasn’t even really an embryo. No heartbeat.”
“Does that make it better?” Zora’s voice was gentle. “Easier?”
“No,” Skylar admitted. “No. I was sad. So much sadder than I should’ve been, because I hadn’t even known I was pregnant, and it was an accident anyway. And now I’m—” She stopped.
Zora’s hand reached out to clasp hers. “You can tell me, if it helps. It can be hard to be home alone with kids—all the kids? Yours and Zane’s?”
“Yes. Six of them.”
“And it’s extra hard,” Zora said, “because you can’t express what you feel. Can’t even grieve properly, because you don’t want to worry your kids.”
“Mostly,” Skylar admitted, “I’m just irritable. I keep having to stuff it down. I’m never irritable! I’m a Year One teacher! I’m a single mum to three kids! I can’taffordto be irritable. Andwhy?I told you, the kids have been awesome.Zane’sbeen awesome, even though neither of us had planned for a baby. Not at all. Notremotely.He sent me those purple tulips on Saturday, the first day he was gone, and he texts, and …” She ran down. “And I just want to snap at everyone. Other times, I don’t seem able to feel anything at all. Like I’m numb. And, of course, occasionally I cry. I’m all over the place.”
“That’s grief,” Zora said, “and a spot of depression, maybe. Completely natural, and it hasn’t been long. Be easy on yourself. Pregnancy loss is harder than people realize. The hormones alone …”
