Page 126 of Just Watch Me
“I meant,” she said, “that that would put me in a … a vulnerable position. Meandthe kids.”
“If it doesn’t work out, you mean.”
“Yes.” No smile on her pretty face now. “That’s what I mean. My heart’s already hanging out there, and that’s a scary place for me. I may have mentioned that I haven’t always made the best choices.”
“And you think I’m one of them.”
“No. I think you’re not. Or Ifeelyou’re not, but I’m not sure I trust my heart. It’s not just me, either. It’s three more lives that I’m completely responsible for, and I can’t afford to make the wrong choice for them. And I don’t know—” She broke off.
Calm,he told himself.Open.It wasn’t easy, because hewasn’t actually feeling either thing. He was sure; why wasn’t she?
Because this is only part of your life,he answered himself,and it’s pretty much all of hers. You’re gone half the time, and you have funds, but she’d be in the thick of it every day and is living pretty close to the edge. And because you’ve beenhappily matched before. Happily married. And she hasn’t.
He said, “What don’t you know? I’m listening. Doing nothing but.”
“I don’t know how I’d get through it,” she said, “if I got that far in and it ended. It’s happened to me twice, and it was bad both times. It was more than bad. I’m scared, and that’s the truth. If I fall the way I want to, and you’re not there to catch me after all—what have I done to my kids then?”
“Isn’t that always the risk,” he asked, “in loving somebody?”
Her hand tightened in his, and he said, “Because that’s what I’m saying. That’s what I’m asking.”
“It’s so soon, though,” she said. “I just … I like you so much, and it’s more than that. I’ve fallen in love with you. I can’t hide that from myself anymore, and I’m pretty sure I haven’t hidden it from you, either.”
“I don’t think my hiding game’s been too flash, either,” he said. “Because you don’t seem surprised to hear that I feel the same. It’s scary, yeh. We both know how scary, because no matter how it ends, it always hurts. Losing Sam ripped me in two, and she never did a thing wrong but die. Would it have been any better, though, if I’d lost her fifty years on? And what’s the answer, not to try at all? I reckon it’s what your Granddad said. That he doesn’t have time to faff about with this. This is our one life, and we need to live it.”
“Our wild and precious life,” she said. “That’s the line.”
“I like that,” he said. “That’s how it feels, yeh. Our wild and precious life. If we try, we could lose. If we don’t try, we could lose more. Your heart’s on the line. I get that. But so is mine.”
She turned to him, then, and took his face in her hands, gave him a gentle kiss that tasted like tropical fruit and flowers, and said, “You’re a fast mover. I’m not, and right now, my emotions are all over the shop. It’s as if I’ve been looking at the world through glass, and now, the colors are so bright, they’re almost too much. Give me time to know.”
He had her hand, and now, he kissed her knuckles. “Not sure I have a choice. Seems I’ve thrown my hat in this ring.”
“But,” she said, “I’d like to do the weekends while you’re gone.”
“And when I’m back? That’s the real question.”
“Because you don’t want me to think you just want a nanny.”
“Because I want you with me. You and the kids, because, yeh, it’s complicated and messy and loud, but I’m the eldest of six. I know complicated and messy and loud, and I’m happy there. And because I’mnotcomplicated. I love you, and I want to be with you, full stop. Whatever we have to do to make that happen. Starting with that babysitter. Adult supervision. Whatever.”
That had been last night. After which he’d taken her home, taken her to bed, and tried to show her with his hands and mouth and body that he’d meant it. Gentle this time, and slow, and thorough. When Skylar felt pleasure, she forgot to be cautious, and when she had an orgasm, she forgot to be anything. Was there anything like making slow, sweet love to the woman who had your heart? Watching her eyes close and her mouth open, your hands threaded through hers, and your bodies joined as closely as two people’s could be? And the trust when she fell asleep in your arms?
Yeh, he had it bad.
At the moment, though, he wasn’t doing any lovemaking, or any persuasion, either. He was with Finlay, who was the only one who’d wanted to get up before sunrise and go see the sky through the NASA telescope. They were all going ziplining today, and then riding horses on the beach, because they had to leave tomorrow. A pretty full program, but when he’d asked about the telescope, Finlay’d said yes.
They looked at the stars with the help of a patient staff person, and then they looked at the planets. Jupiter first, with its stripes and the Great Red Spot. “It’s not really a spot,” Finlay told him. “It’s a storm from centuries ago that’s still going, because there’s no land that would slow it down and make it burn out, like there is for cyclones on Earth. Just that one spot is bigger than Earth, too. The winds are blowing at more than six hundred kilometers an hour.”
“Awesome,” Zane said, taking a look. “I see it. Cool.”
“Jupiter’s the biggest planet,” Finlay said, “but it’s made of gas. That’s hard to imagine, isn’t it? It looks like you could stand on it. Venus is rocky, like Earth, but it has phases, like the moon, so you can’t see the surface of it. It just looks like a white blob. It’s funny that you can see the one made of gas, and it looks more real than the rocky one.”
“Seeing is believing,” Zane agreed, “except when it isn’t.”
“Yes,” Finlay said. “Heaps of things are like that. You think you see them, but they’re not real. And real things can be hard to see.”
“Huh,” Zane said. “That’s a pretty original thought. Suppose you give me some more examples.”
