Page 28 of To Have and To Hold
To his surprise, Atticus relaxed against him. “If it helps, you’ve got more of me than anyone else ever has.”
That did help. Not much. But it did ease the ache a little. The thought of losing Atticus before they had a chance to see where this might go terrified him. He’d spent the better part of a month fearing exactly that. Now that he knew he hadn’t imagined the connection they shared, Slade was willing to take it slow. He was even willing to share Atticus with Carson. He figured he was a glutton for punishment for thinking something like this might actually work, but deep down, he couldn’t deny it turned him on a little.
“I’ve learned to take the scraps since I can never have the meal.”
Atticus pulled away and spun to face him. “That’snotwhat this is.”
“Isn’t it?”
As he’d done earlier, Atticus grabbed him, both hands on his face this time. “No. It’s not.”
“If you say so.”
Expecting Atticus to roll his eyes the way most people did when Slade admitted he felt like he was getting the leftovers, he was surprised when Atticus kissed him. He didn’t relent, either.
“I want this,” Atticus whispered. “I want you. I’m sure about that.”
Slade rested his forehead on Atticus’s. “But you want Carson, too.”
“I don’t know anymore. And that’s what I need to find out.” Atticus pulled back enough to look him in the eye. “And I want you to help me figure this out.”
He wasn’t sure he liked the idea of that because he knew himself. He knew he could easily get lured back into Carson’s web if he allowed himself. And since that was the direction they’d been headed before Atticus left, there was no doubt they would be right back there.
“We’ll figure it out,” Atticus told him.
For some stupid reason, Slade actually believed him.
And it scared him to death, but if it meant having Atticus in his life, he was willing to take the journey, which made him a glutton for punishment because this wasn’t the first time he’d been down this road. And both times before, he’d been the one left standing alone. Heartbroken.
Slade wasn’t sure he’d survive another.
Chapter Seven
“What sounds good for dinner?” Baz askedwhen he and JJ walked into the house later that evening.
“I’ll take spaghetti if you’re up for it,” she answered as he set her computer bag on the coffee table.
“Meatballs or chili?”
“Meatballs.”
“I’ll cook, but I want you to put your feet up,” he told her, positioning a pillow on the couch.
“You’re awfully bossy today, Detective,” JJ teased as she allowed him to help her sit.
Baz couldn’t stop the smile that formed. Back when they first met, JJ referred to him asdetectiveas a way of keeping him at arm’s length. These days, she used it to tease him. And every now and again, she used it to seduce him. He happened to be very fond of both ways.
“You love that about me, don’t lie.”
She laughed. “You’re right. I do.” JJ sighed as she stretched her legs out and propped her feet up, wiggling her toes. “Oh, God. My ankles are so swollen, they hurt.”
“After dinner, I’ll rub your feet.”
“I’ll let you,” she said with a grin.
Baz brushed her hair back as he smiled down at her. “Give me twenty minutes or so.”
“If I fall asleep, wake me up.”
