Page 101 of To Have and To Hold
Those hands continued to wander, slowly, deliberately. Caressing every inch of his stomach, his chest, while Carson’s eyes followed the movement.
Slade knew he needed to stop this. He needed to put up that wall he’d been reinforcing for months. He had no business giving in to this man, no matter how much he still wanted him. And he did. God, he did.
Since their argument at the bar, Slade had thought endlessly about him. He’d spent every day dealing with other people’s issues, grateful for the reprieve because he wasn’t in the right mindset to do anything worthwhile. At HQ, it was relatively easy to shove Carson to the back of his mind. But anytime he was alone, all he could think about were the words they’d exchanged.
Shit. I’m sorry, Carson. I don’t know how to do this.
Just for curiosity’s sake, what isthis?
I don’t know. You tell me.
I was hopin’ it was us startin’ over.
Startin’ over?
Yes.
Startin’ over with what?
Whatever you want it to be. I owe you more than an apology for how I treated you. I know that. I also know that sayin’ the words won’t mean shit to you. You don’t trust me. I don’t blame you. At the very least, I’d like us to be friends.
Friends?
We were friends once.
We were. That was before you broke my fuckin’ heart.
That conversation had replayed in his head a few dozen times since that night. He’d even tried to talk to Atticus about it. Right before Atticus told him he needed time, that he would be focusing on his training while he was in Dallas, and they would talk when he got back.
Atticus had told him he needed to figure out how to fix things with Carson while he was gone. It seemed Atticus was convinced they had some unfinished business, and until they addressed that, he wasn’t willing to consider anything more with either of them.
If Slade didn’t know better, he would’ve thought Atticus wanted them to be together.
“Why are you here?” Slade whispered, sighing when Carson’s thumbs swiped over his nipples.
“I want to be here,” Carson said, the words dripping with adoration. His eyes lifted, the same reverence glittering in them. “God, Slade, I want to be here.”
Slade could almost believe him. Then again, Carson was a damn good actor. He knew just what to say to get his way.
He glanced at the hallway that led to Atticus’s room, then back to Carson. “Why?”
Carson’s hands shifted back down, curling along Slade’s sides. He stepped forward, closing the gap between them.
“Because I want to be with you.”
Great. Now the man was going to lay on the charm. Slade had always been helpless to resist him. But he wasn’t the same guy he’d been back then.
“You mean you want tofuckme?”
“I want tobewith you. Nothing has to happen.”
Yeah, he had a funny way of showing he wasn’t in it for the sex. Kissing him like that.
Slade snorted. “I don’t believe you.”
Carson held his stare. “I know.”
That wasn’t what he expected him to say. Slade knew that it didn’t take much to push Carson’s buttons. A few ill-timed questions would send the man from offense to defense in the blink of an eye. At that point, Carson would turn on him, accusing him of baiting him. They’d had this argument too many times to count.
