Page 91 of Forever Fighting
I take a sip of coffee, wishing it were spiked with something stronger. “I suppose that’s good. Don’t they say there’s no such thing as bad PR?”
“Something like that.” He runs a hand over the top of his head. “What I care about is how this will impact you and about Adam learning about us this way. I’m positive he’s furious his network pushed the story. I honestly can’t believe they did. It makes him look bad. Regardless, it’s not how I wanted him to find out about us.”
“You mean like walking into your bedroom and finding him fucking another woman in your bed, finding out?”
His hand cups my cheek. “You already know my loyalty is to you. He cheated and hid it. You have every right to your anger and resentment. But it’s not why I’m here with you. What he did to you was unforgivable, but I want to be a better man than that, and I was going to tell him when we got home.”
“You were?”
“He deserved to hear it from me, but now that ship has sailed.”
I swallow thickly. We haven’t talked about this, and again, that’s my fault. But I need to stop running. I need to put my faith in Roman. But more than that, I have to take the leap and trust that when I fall, it’ll be him catching me.
“What were you going to tell him?” I place my hand over his steady heart. “We haven’t talked about this, and again, I know that’s on me. I also know this is likely the worst time ever to have this conversation. But… is this more than fun for you? It feels like it is. It feels like you’re fighting for something with me instead of simply enjoying whatever it is we’ve been doing.”
He inches in until we’re practically chest to chest. He takesthe coffee from my other hand and sets it down as he searches my eyes. His fingers glide along my cheek, and he gives me a sad sort of smile.
“I’m forever fighting for you because winning you has been impossible. Braelyn, I’m in love with you. I have been for years. This entire week, I’ve been losing sleep thinking about the life we could have together and how to get you to not only see that but want it despite all you’ve been through.”
Emotion rushes over me like a geyser. “You have been?”
His eyes glitter, and his fingers are soft on my skin. “God, baby, the way my heart beats for you.” He covers my other hand on his chest and presses it in. “You have to feel that. I know you do.”
“But… what does that mean? You’re my best friend.”
“It worked for your parents. For you and Nash.”
“I know, but?—”
“Did you ever think that I could be your best friend and the love of your life? That they’re not mutually exclusive but build on one another? I am your best friend. Your friendship means everything to me. But I’m also in love with you, and that’s been the plight of my life.”
I stare up into his clear blue-green eyes, my skin hot and itchy. “You never told me. Never hinted.”
He gives me a rueful smile. “I tried to hint at it before you got together with Adam. When I moved back to Boston, I tried. At least I should say, I thought I tried, but clearly, I wasn’t direct enough because you missed all of it.”
I choke out a half-sob, half-laugh and drop my forehead to his chest, breathing in the scent of him. “Yeah. I missed it. Completely. Shit.”
“I should have kissed you.” His lips peck the top of my head as he runs his hands down my hair. “I should have told you.”
I look up at him, pressing my chin on his sternum. “After you rejected my kiss, I thought you had no interest in me, and Ipushed my curiosity about it away. As you said, my parents were best friends, and so were Nash and I, and after all that, I wondered about it. I let go of it because I thought that would never be us. That you didn’t want that with me or anyone really since you never had girlfriends.”
“I know you just broke up with Adam. I know you just canceled your wedding, and things are still in upheaval from all of that. I know the world now knows that we’re married, and that was the last thing you wanted to come out. I don’t want to pressure you or have us move faster than you’d like us to. Despite all that, I’d like to try for something real.”
“You better be sure,” I warn. “Because I’m going to fall so in love with you. I’ve been holding myself back. You know that, right? Like I’m going to be fangirl obsessed and I won’t make it if you break my heart. I won’t. I survived Adam and came out better on the other side, but surviving you won’t be the same.”
His forehead meets mine. “I want you obsessed because that’s how I’ve been for the last six or so years.”
“Since after Nash?”
He looks between us for a beat before his gaze returns to mine. “You’re the only reason I made it through that and along that journey, I started to see you differently than I ever had before. I fell in love.” He shrugs. “As wrong as it was and as wrong as it felt, I did. I decided having you however I could get you was better than not having you at all, and at the time, I wasn’t in a place to be more to you. I had to get myself right and I wasn’t. Then Adam came along. But now that we’ve had this time together, I can’t go back.” His lips bounce, and he throws my words back at me. “I won’t make it if you break my heart. I won’t survive losing you.”
“Then I guess we’re doing this.”
A smile lights up his face, making this serious bad boy look almost boyish if such a thing were possible. “I guess we are.”
“I have no clue how we’ll explain this to anyone, but whatever.”
“I don’t care how things look. Bonus of being an asshole to the world. You’re a sweet little nurse, so you’re the one who’ll have it worse than I will. Sorry. Sucks to be you, I guess.”
