Page 84 of Completely Captivated
I leaned across the center console and kissed him.He turned his head slightly, trying to keep his eyes on the road while I kissed his cheek, his lips, and his neck.“I love you so very much, Aaron.I don’t care where we live or what we have.As long as I’m with you, that’s enough for me.”
Endings—and New Beginnings
Aaron
“Istill don’t knowhow you convinced me to go along with this.Or why.Or why I’m even going through with it.”Christa stomped through the condo, ranting in my general direction, though she was still getting dressed.
“Because you need it, sweetheart.I know you say you don’t, and you’re extremely adamant about it, but I was with you that day.You can’t hide your feelings anymore.”I helped her into her long wool coat and used that as an excuse to wrap my arms around her.”I thought you trusted me.”
“I do,” she conceded.“You’re the best man I know, Aaron.”
“I’ll be with you.Every step of the way.”
She tried to stall as long as she could, but eventually she caved and got in the car.I’d talked her into having a memorial service for her mother.It’d be a small gathering, and she’d likely be the only one there who even knew the woman.In the few days after her death, the state had held her body until they ruled out any foul play.Every day of waiting in limbo affected Christa more than she wanted to admit.
But I knew her.I saw through her bravado.I felt her.
The click of her heels echoed down the vacant hall of the funeral home, and I expected to find we were alone in the sanctuary.My entire family was there, including my brother, with Allie on his arm.Jared and his family were also there.Though I wasn’t thrilled with his presence, I was grateful for how his family supported my wife.
She introduced me to the entire Miller family as her husband, and I was positive I was a couple of feet taller than when we walked in.She spent time talking to everyone to avoid approaching the casket.Not that I blamed her, but I could feel her anxiety ratcheting up inside her with every tick of the clock.When she’d made her rounds and her avoidance became obvious, she dropped her purse in a chair and squeezed my hand in her dainty one.
“Stay with me, Aaron.”
“Forever.”
We approached the casket together, and she remained stock-still while staring at her mother.“She’s lost so much weight since the last time I saw her.Aaron, the what-if’s flying through my mind are killing me.”
“You couldn’t have saved her.”Another man’s voice interrupted our conversation, and both of our heads snapped toward his direction.Christa stepped backward into me, her back against my chest, and I instinctively wrapped my arm around her.
“Who are you?”I demanded.
“My name is Chris Lanes.I’m Christa’s father.”
She molded into me more.My other arm wrapped around her, protecting her, shielding her.“I’m here,” I murmured into her ear.“No one can hurt you while I’m here.”Her nod was almost imperceptible, but I felt it.I felt her relax under my guard.I looked back up at Chris.“What did you mean when you said she couldn’t have saved her mother?”
“Janice was never what you’d call stable, but she became worse over the last several months.She was mixing several kinds of drugs—crack, meth, heroin—you name it, she was addicted to it all.She’d called me, too, asking for money several weeks ago.I went to see her and took an application for a detox facility with me.The deal was I’d give her the money she asked for if after she completed the full program.I even offered to pay for it, if she’d just get clean.
“Even I couldn’t save her, Christa.If she wouldn’t do it for you, me, or the money I’d promised her, she wouldn’t get clean for anything.You can’t blame yourself or think you let her down in any way.You didn’t, and if you’d given her anything, she’d just keep coming back for more and break your heart every time.Her addiction was too much for her to stop.”
“You still loved her,” Christa whispered, the pain in her voice palpable.“After all these years, you still loved her.”
“I love her still.I’ll never stop loving her.She wasn’t always what you remember.She was the love of my life, and she captured my heart the day we met.She never gave it back.”
“Why did you leave me?”
“I started using with her.It took a while, but I eventually saw how my life was spiraling out of control.She and I had a long talk about getting help, and she convinced me to check in to the hospital first so she could stay with you.When they were processing my paperwork, it triggered some outstanding warrants I had.So, the court ordered me to complete a one-year inpatient rehab stint or face up to seven years in prison.By the time I graduated from the program, Janice had taken out a restraining order against me and was in the process of having my parental rights taken away.I stopped that part, but I still couldn’t come near her or you.”
“How could she do all of that if she was abusing drugs and had no money to spend on a lawyer?”
“Her dealer had her selling for him.The longer she kept me away, the more control he had over her.It was a vicious cycle I never could break.I’m just so sorry you were caught in the middle of it, Christa.I tried to see you, I even tried to get custody of you, but nothing worked.My past never seemed to stay behind me.”
“I know what you mean,” Christa replied pensively.“Can you…come by the café sometime?I’d like to have a cup of coffee and chat with you.”
His smile split his face in two, and the nearly broken man I saw a second before instantly transformed into a hopeful one.That was what my girl did to a mere mortal man.That was what she did to me.
I extended my hand toward him while keeping my other one wrapped securely around my wife.“I’m Aaron Rivers, her husband.It’s good to finally meet you, though I’m sorry it’s under these circumstances.”
“Aaron, if you’ve earned Christa’s love and respect, I have no doubt you’re a good man.What you’ve done for Janice is more proof.”
