Page 83 of Completely Captivated
“Absolutely.We can get up and go right now if you want to.I’m yours all day.”
“Only for today?”
“Yes, only today.All day, for every today, till death do us part.”
We were both quiet while we dressed.I suspected Aaron was giving me a little space to get my head in the right place before going back to my former home.He took my hand as we left my apartment and headed toward his car.I gave him the address, and we were on our way, while I chewed my fingernails and lip the entire drive.
When we pulled up to the run-down one-story building, my stomach clenched, and I was glad I decided against having breakfast first.I thought I’d lose it right about then.Aaron squeezed my hand in support, then lifted it to his mouth and placed soft kisses along my knuckles.
“I’m here for you, whatever you need.I can go in and do this for you if you want me to.You don’t even have to step foot inside.We can leave.I’ll throw the car in reverse, and we can forget this whole plan.Or, we can walk in there together, face this together, and put it behind us—together.”
“I love you for offering to take me away, but this is something I need to do.There’s no way I’m doing it without you, though.So, together it is.”
“Every step of the way.”
Inside the dilapidated apartment, memories I’d pushed aside assaulted me from every direction, flying at me at the speed of light.Compartmentalize.Dodge.Deflect.One step at a time.That was how I’d make it through that ordeal, but only with him at my side.I walked through the few sparsely furnished rooms, looking at what was left of my mother’s entire life.Aaron stayed one step behind me, sharing his strength with me as I went.A deep sense of regret and loss hit me when I realized something staggering.
There wasn’t one thing there I wanted to keep as a reminder.Nothing held sentimental value to me.Not one personal item was attached to a pleasant memory.
A small stack of papers on the kitchen table caught my eye on my way out, and I stopped to look through them.Holding those papers in my hand and reading the words on the pages hit me nearly as hard as receiving the divorce papers from Aaron did.I collapsed into the chair.My hands shook uncontrollably, and my breath seized in my chest.
“What is it, Christa?What does it say?”
“She was filling out the paperwork to enter a rehab facility.The date on here is when she called me, asking for money.I turned her down flat.I didn’t even ask her what she wanted the money for.Oh, Aaron, she wanted help to clean up her life, and I dismissed her.This is all my fault.She overdosed because of me.”
“It’s not your fault.She made her own choices, and she chose to use drugs your entire life.Hell, probablyherentire life.That’s not on you.”
“But if I’d just helped her when she asked…”
“You had no way of knowing she wanted the money for treatment.She may have wanted it for something else entirely.You can’t blame yourself when her entire life has been the same problems repeated.”
This paperwork for a detox facility was the only memento I wanted from my dead mother.I asked Aaron to take me away from that place, and I left the key on the table before locking the door and closing it behind me.Then there was no way back inside.The door was forever shut behind me, closing in the past.The past hurts.The past ghosts.The past fears.
I was quiet in the car while I stared at the paperwork, the date in her handwriting attempting to taunt me one last time.But the lessons I’d learned from Aaron over those last five months wouldn’t allow the doubts to take over again.He showed me how to value myself.He taught me how to love.He helped me overcome what I thought were insurmountable odds.
“Aaron?”
“Yes, my love?”
His reply was so open, so honest.Whatever I asked for in that very minute, he would’ve gone to the ends of the earth to make a reality for me.He put my needs first.Before his own.Before anyone else’s.He was my better half, though he’d argue with me if I said that to him.
“Do you know why I kept these papers?”
“Honestly, I hope it’s for a better reason than to beat yourself up over what you told me about them.”
“All my life, my mother put drugs and alcohol ahead of me.Getting high and partying were more important than her only child.There were times I wouldn’t eat for days because she was too strung out to make sure her child was nourished.She always put me last, without fail.
“Over the past five months, you’ve always put me first.You haven’t just broken down walls to get in, you made me want to tear them down myself and forget they were ever there.You’ve shown me more love in this short time than she did my entire life.Her last act in this world was to selfishly overdose on the drugs she loved more than her child and leave me to deal with the aftermath of her choices again.
“I took these papers as a reminder of how precious our time together is, how short life is, and how it can all be taken away in the blink of an eye.They’re important to me because I don’t want to waste one more second fearing what the future may hold because of what my past held.And I don’t want to spend one more night apart from you or take baby steps in our relationship while I make up my mind.If I lost you tomorrow, my biggest regret would be the time I’ve wasted not showing you how much I love you every single minute of every single day.
“I’m ready to be your full-time wife.I’ll move in with you this very minute.I’ll check every fear and doubt at the door and make sure our life together is incredible—if you still want me to.”
“I’ve waited to hear those words from you every day and night for months.You’re all I want, Christa.You’re everything I could ever want.I’ll send movers to your apartment to pack your things and deliver them to my place.I’m afraid you’ll come to your senses and change your mind if you have to be there when your apartment is empty.But if it makes you feel better, we can go house hunting and find a new place that’s ours.”
I had to laugh at that, because he knew I’d feel sorry for my tiny, empty apartment.“House hunting?Does that include furniture and interior décor shopping?”
“Anything you want.”
