Page 54 of Completely Captivated
She hesitated a little longer than I was comfortable with, so I rose up on my elbow to see her face.She rolled over onto her back and met my gaze before she answered.
“I’m really trying to stay in thenowfor tonight, Aaron.I don’t want to talk about the rest…yet.”
A Date at Court
Aaron
IknewI shouldn’t have pushed.I should’ve taken what she was willing to give and not questioned her.But the part of me that desperately wanted to claim her as mine, and hear her say she was, refused to let our relationship stabilize naturally.
So I pushed.
She retreated.
Then when she felt cornered, she unleashed on me with both barrels.
“What am I thinking?”Her tone dripped with pain and anger.“I’m thinking about all the pictures and news clips I had to watch with barely clothed models hanging all over you.Then to hear the entertainment news talk about your relationship with those girls—but we both know what they meant by that, don’t we?
“Add to that how you and your brother ambushed me with divorce papers in his office.If none of that is enough to explain my hesitation, throw in how pathetic I am for calling you tonight, knowing everything I know, after everything you’ve done to me.”
The more she ranted, the madder she became, and she eventually told me to leave, despite my pleas to hear me out.Despite my reassurances those models were no one to me and nothing happened.Despite my explanation of holding the model’s hand in mine was only to keep her hands off me.
She said just looking at me hurt her too much.She said she couldn’t let me go, but she couldn’t stay with me either.
Rather than get arrested, I left.Slowly.Dejected.Disappointed.
But not defeated.
That was a week ago, but she still loved me.She wanted to be with me, but she was afraid to give her heart to me again.She wanted to forgive me, but her pride was in the way.
The thing was, when it came to her, I had no pride.Because without her, my chance of ever being happy again was slim to none.My text to her that day was simply to tell her what she meant to me.
“I’m sorry I pushed you when you weren’t ready.I only wanted to love you, but I hurt you instead.So I want you to know, nothing matters without you.My heart still beats in your chest.My love still flows through your veins.How do I know?Because I still feel you when you’re not here.I love you, Christa.”
I hit send and watched like a stalker until the “read” status showed underneath my message.She didn’t reply, but I didn’t expect to hear from her yet.We’d both been silent for the past week, and I hoped I’d given her time to decompress after our emotional night.
After I finished writing my next letter to her, I made the drive to my former office.It was time.It was past time, actually, and I was so looking forward to writing “the end” on that chapter of my life.
I strolled into Lance’s office with a smile on my face.The fact that that day was the first time I’d genuinely smiled when showing up at my own business wasn’t lost on me.
I smiled because it was officially my last day.Lance was buying out my half of the business by converting our privately owned company to a publicly traded company.The faithful, high-performing employees would receive stock options as a retention incentive.I was happy for Lance, and I was happy for Rivers Forte.It would make the company stronger.Most of all, I was happy for me.I was finally stepping out from my brother’s shadow—and from underneath his thumb.
“Aaron.How have you been?”Lance approached me and shook my hand.The way he looked at me was new—almost as if he was seeing me for the first time.
“I’m okay.I’ve started building plans for my next venture.I’m trying to win my wife back.Getting my life and priorities in order.”
“First order of business, just sign a few papers, and I’ll have the money wired into your account.You’ll be free and clear of all agent duties for Rivers Forte.”
“Music to my ears.Thank you, Lance.I appreciate everything you’ve done to make this happen.”
He nodded, but the serious expression didn’t leave his face.“Have a seat.”He motioned toward a chair, then sat in the one next to me instead of behind his huge oak desk.“Years ago, I believed you needed me to take charge and tell you which direction to take.You were lost after the accident, and Mom, Dad, and I were afraid we’d lose you forever.”
The mere mention of that time in my life was almost enough to send me back into a tailspin I wouldn’t recover from.A few mere months ago, the memories of it would have consumed me.The guilt would’ve eaten me alive.The blow to my self-esteem would have negated all the accomplishments I’d made since then.
But not anymore.
“I did need your guidance then, there’s no doubt.But I’ve realized I outgrew the need for your help a long time ago.I’ve kept the peace, but every time I’ve tried to make my own way, you throw that back up at me.And put me right back in my place.
“No more.It was a long time ago, and I’m not that same young man anymore.I’m grown.I’m making all new mistakes, but they’re mine.My choices.My life.My decisions.”
