Page 51 of Wicked Shadows
Her lips parted, ready to protest sleeping through more of their time together than absolutely necessary, but he stopped her.
“I enjoy watching you sleep. You’re tired. Take a nap. I’ll still be right here when you wake.”
“Not sure I can sleep now, knowing you’ll be watching me.” A hint of melancholy bled through her attempt at levity.
Devon responded by covering her hand with his warm one. In the dimly lit first-class cabin, Elle ached to confess to every thought, feeling, and desire in her mind and heart. She wanted to tell him all her fears about their future, about her career, about him. She needed him to acknowledge and accept they were a vital part of each other’s lives. More than anything else, she longed for him to explain what she’d witnessed the day before.
He squeezed her hand and inclined his head ever so slightly, urging her to close her eyes. She clasped her other hand on top of his as she rolled to her side and faced him. With the words on the tip of her tongue, the fatigue and weariness won when her heavy eyes closed and she slipped off to sleep.
When she opened her eyes, the flight attendant was passing out meals to the other passengers. Her tray and drink sat in front of her, already prepared for her to eat.
“Did you fix this for me?”
“Yes. We didn’t make it to the special date I had planned last night, so this is my pathetic replacement.”
“Thank you for doing that. Did you get any sleep?”
“No. But I watched you sleep, and that always relaxes me.” He picked up her fork and handed it to her.
“Very subtle clue that you want me to eat, Devon.” Her teasing sounded good to his ears. She sounded more like his Elle—the one who still thought he hung the moon and stars.
She chatted about the plot of the upcoming production in between bites of her in-flight meal. Devon pretended he listened to her every word, but mostly, he found himself staring at her to memorize small details no one else would notice. Like the small flecks of green and gray in her hazel eyes. How she couldn’t enjoy her food unless she had at least two napkins. The way she loved tomatoes, but not on her sandwiches. She always ate them separately. But mostly he pictured his life without her in it and what that would mean for both of them.
He tried to remember what filled his time before he jetted off to LA every chance he had to see her. What did he do to occupy his days? How would he cope with all of that after having Elle in his life and his heart for so long?
For her sake, he had to let her go. He’d selfishly held on to her for far too long—and she’d allowed it to happen because she loved him. But it was time to show her how much he loved her—by doing the right thing, even if it was also the hardest pill to swallow.
“That was actually pretty good for airline food,” Elle remarked, pulling him from his internal thoughts. “You’ve been quiet, listened to me blabber on nonstop, and stared at me while I ate. What’s on your mind?”
The words were right there—waiting to be said.
“Just thinking about how busy you’ll be with production and promotion. You’ll have me pushed out of the picture in no time.”
If he made it seem like it was her idea, his absence would be easier for her to accept. He wanted to give her that much peace about it.
“You really think I’d choose any role over you?”
“You’d have to, Elle. You’re bound by contract. If you ever want to work on another movie, you can’t worry about me.”
Her eyes lit with fiery anger, though she contained her voice. “I know exactly what you’re doing, Devon Kane, and it won’t fucking work on me.”
Her change in demeanor was unexpected. He immediately realized his reverse psychology tactic would fail miserably on her, and he needed to contain the situation.
“Elle—”
“Don’t Elle me. I offered to quit and go with you wherever you go. That’s how much you mean to me and how little acting means compared to you. Yes, I love it, but I’ve achieved it. I don’t need more and more of it to feed my self-worth. I need you, more than anything or anyone.
“I’ve allowed this long-distance romance because it was convenient and what we both needed at the time. But that’s not how I want the rest of my life to be, and I don’t believe you do either.”
He couldn’t argue—and she was on a roll and wouldn’t let him get a word in anyway.
“Whatever happened that made you so closed off has to be dealt with in some way. Talk to me about it, talk to a therapist, decide to let it all go and move on—whatever works for you. But I didn’t get this far by being a shrinking violet who’s afraid to speak up for what I want. And I’m no one’s doormat. You’ve had time to come to this conclusion on your own, but you haven’t. Not fully committed anyway. So I’m calling your bluff. What was it you and Jeff used to say? Oh, yeah—shit or get off the pot.”
Fuck, you have no idea how much I love you, he thought.
The flight attendant returned to pick up their items before the captain announced they were arriving at LAX. Though she was disappointed they hadn’t finished their conversation, she had every intention of resuming it as soon as they were locked away in her bedroom. And she wouldn’t let Devon out until he’d given his word and a solid commitment for their future.
Before she’d fallen asleep on the plane, her mind and heart were heavy with turmoil and pain. All those awful thoughts about Devon had taken a serious toll on her ability to be rational. The sight of the dead man, Devon’s proximity to him, the evil man who kept smiling at her—it all crashed down on her at once, compounded by the end of the best two weeks she’d ever had.
