Page 55 of Torment Me Knot
“That we can't stand to be apart?”
He nods small against my collarbone, his breath warm on my skin. I dig through the dark corners where fear lives, searching for the voice that should be screaming at me.
Needing gets you caged, Omega 7. Needing gives them power over you. The only safety is in needing nothing, wanting nothing, being nothing they can use against you.
The voice is there but distant, shouting from somewhere far away. My hand moves over his chest. His heart beats steady under my palm. I know this heartbeat. I know the difference between his sleep-breathing and his awake-breathing. I know the shape of his ribs by touch.
“No. It feels too right,” I say.
“Yeah.” He breathes it against my throat, and his scent softens, chamomile blooming. “That's what scares me. It shouldn't feel this easy. Nothing in my life has ever been this easy.”
He searches my face.
“So we don't fight it? We just... let ourselves have this?”
“Yes.” A small laugh catches in my throat. I want to keep the good. I’ve been denied it for too long and Aubrey is good.
His hand spreads over my ribs. “Alright.”
We can't be any other way now. His hand flexes against my ribs. His breath quickens against my throat and a frown forms between his brows.
“Are you okay?” My thumb strokes the line of his jaw. “After yesterday. Do you want to talk about it? You don't have to. I just... I want you to know I'm asking.”
He goes still. “It was a nightmare. One minute I was fine and the next I was there...”
He trails off. Swallows. Starts again.
“You don’t have to tell me. I understand what you felt.” Like Aubrey, I want to forget most of the past few years, but my brain keeps throwing up the worst of my experiences. Just remember, we don’t want to go through that again.
No shit, brain. Thanks a lot for the reminder.
Aubrey exhales. “I… want to tell you. I want you to know everything about me. The good and the bad.”
I spear my fingers through his hair. The strands are so soft. But that’s what omegas are. Soft and vulnerable. And again, fuck you very much, biology.
Aubrey shifts against me and I concentrate on his words. “I was at an auction. Six years ago. Maybe seven, I've lost track. Axel was selling a young omega. Too young. No name. Lot 37. That was her number. Three minutes. That's how long it took to sell her. She was sobbing. That was the worst part. They dragged her off the stage. She was sobbing for mercy. Begging for help and nobody gave it. The alpha who bought her barked at her to slick in front of everyone. She did and… they laughed. They stood over her and laughed.”
I want to break something. I want to get in a car and drive to wherever the poor omega is now and pull her out of whatever is left of her life. If she is still alive. I keep my hand on his heart and keep breathing.
“After.” A fine tremor runs through him, shoulder to hip, there and gone. “After the sale, Axel, Mick and Kylie. They were happy about the price she'd gone for. They wanted to celebrate.”
My gut sinks. I don’t let it touch my face. Nausea burns hot and bitter, and I swallow hard against it.
“They drugged me.” His hands are shaking now. “Heat inducer. While I was on the floor writhing in pain. They made toasts before they...” He doesn’t have to tell me what they did. The scars on his body are a road map of abuse. “Before they…”
“I wish it never happened to you.” I lock my arms around Aubrey. “I only want the best things for you, Aubrey.”
He rises on his elbow and tucks a strand of hair behind my ear. “I only want the best for you too.”
“If only we weren't omegas. Then we wouldn't need alphas. We could be on our own and no one would look twice at us.”
His mouth curves and I’m taken aback by his beauty. Male omegas aren’t ruggedly handsome, like alphas are, but they’reethereal and Aubrey is everything ethereal. “They’d look twice at you, Espie. Maybe even three or four times.”
I’m sure I look like a sweaty mess. It’s hot under this duvet. I’m about to tease him when his smile falls and he drags his gaze from lips to my eyes. His touch stills where he was circling my skin. “I liked kissing Sera. I liked her mouth. I liked the way she tasted. I liked that I got to choose it. I haven't liked kissing anyone in years, apart from you. I thought that part of me was... gone. Cut out. And then she was there and she was careful with me and I liked it, Espie. I liked it.”
I stay silent because there’s more he needs to say, and I want to know everything about him.
“I had a pack of good alphas once. Before Wallace. They were good. They treated me like a person. I'd almost forgotten good alphas were a thing that existed. And then Sera.”
