Page 60 of There Once was a Dancer
He wouldn’t have saved me from those taunting idiots the first night we’d met, and the worry he’d shown when I’d been interrogated by Agent Wallace had been genuine. He’d come to my defense as soon as he learned I was still in the office with blood and brains all over my clothes and in my hair. He’d stood up for me, and he’d cared for me afterward, taking me home to his house to shower and get clean clothes so Mamá wouldn’t worry about me. Those small acts of kindness only proved what a good man he was.
When Rex had woken up and the doctor had done his tests, it was his boss who’d come out and broken the news to us that he was paralyzed. When my knees went weak and Marcello had been the one to catch me before I crashed to the ground, he’d walked me over to a chair and set me down in it. All of Rex’s friends had been kind to me, looking at me with genuinely worried expressions as Joshua held my hand while the doctor finished explaining how Rex couldn’t move his legs and had no feeling below the waist.
When Captain Sorensen had finished explaining and taken me to Rex, I’d been so happy to see him that his paralysis hadn’t even been on my mind as I’d gone into the room. It’d been a huge relief to see him with my own eyes…to know he was alive. But he’d rejected me when I’d tried to kiss him, turning away, and looking at the wall. I’d known he was in pain and reeling from the news he’d just received but I’d hoped he’d wanted to see me too.
My heart broke when I’d gotten the news, but even though I’d told Rex it didn’t matter to me if he could ever make love to me again, I hadn’t expected his reaction. Sex had never even crossed my mind…and wasn’t being with someone who loved you, even more important than sex? Lots of people with lower limb paralysis had sex. I’d read about it. A lot of paraplegics had perfectly normal sex lives. The drive didn’t go away. Some paraplegics were even able to climax. Rex hadn’t even wanted to talk to me about it or what it would mean to our relationship. If feeling never returned to his legs, I’d stay with him. I’d care for him.
Maybe that was his biggest fear. He was probably feeling useless and no doubt understood his life would change if he was permanently paralyzed. He was a proud man, especially when it came to his work. I knew he went through intense training every day to be part of his team and once I’d learned Rex was a sniper, I’d admired the skill it must take to be one. I’d even told Marcello it didn’t matter that he killed bad guys for a living…although in truth, it would take some getting used to. If I was being totally honest with myself, I didn’t want to think about his job because seeing firsthand the damage a sniper bullet could do, had been horrifying.
Rex was no doubt terrified of being wheelchair dependent. Then I thought of Lola, who had a small wheelchair of her own.Rex adored her just the way she was. He loved her just as much as he would love a dog with all four good legs. Couldn’t Rex see that I didn’t care if he was in a chair or not? Why had he said what he’d said?
Did he think I was just feeling sorry for him? I felt sorry that a drug dealer had hurt him because his life would change if he had to be in a chair for the rest of his life. I wanted him to walk out of this hospital on two good legs more than anything. Of course, I wanted him to pull me down the hall to his bedroom and make love to me the way he’d done before, but the truth was, I was only grateful to know he was alive. Couldn’t he see that?
Rex’s friend, Mars, drove me to the FBI’s safehouse in a black Camaro. I sat in the passenger seat, feeling numb, saying nothing as we got on the freeway, going west. We drove for miles up the 101 in silence as I stared out the window thinking about everything that’d happened. When we finally got off the freeway in Camarillo, Mars drove up into the hills.
“The safe’ouse where we ‘ave your family is up ‘ere,” he said, breaking the long silence. “You don’t ‘ave anything to worry about because it’s secure.”
I glanced over to find him watching me. I offered him the best smile I could, but knew it probably came out looking more like a grimace. I was well aware all of Rex’s friends hadn’t known what to say to me when we were in the hospital waiting room. A few of them had come over and offered me food when they ordered for themselves, but though it was a kind gesture, I hadn’t been able to choke down a single thing. Joshua had finally been able to get me to go to the cafeteria where I ate a little salad, but it hadn’t sat well on my stomach. I’d gone into the restroom and thrown it up shortly after eating.
“Thanks, Mars.”
He nodded, looking back as he traversed the curving roads. “You know, Rex will come around, Cachi. ‘E just sent you away because of ‘is bloody pride.”
I shook my head, feeling tired and wrung out. I stared at my hands, twisting them together in my lap. “I just want Rex to let me help.”
“Did you tell ‘im that?”
“Si, and I say I no care if he in wheelchair.”
“’E’s a proud man, Cachi. If ‘e’s in a chair, ‘e knows ‘is life will completely change.”
“Si, I know, and I tell him, pero, I want to help him.”
“I know. Give ‘im time. Let ‘im get used to the idea. The doc doesn’t even know if this injury will be permanent. ‘E cares a lot about you, Cachi.”
I snorted bitterly. “He care so much he send me away.”
“It’s complicated with ‘im. Please, don’t give up on ‘im.”
I glanced over at him. “He no let me help him.”
Mars shook his head. “’E ‘as to ‘elp himself, Cachi. ‘E needs to do this all on ‘is own. If you’re there to catch ‘im every time he falls, ‘e’ll stop trying to do it on ‘is own.”
My heart beat faster. Maybe Mars was right. “You think so?”
He nodded. “The best thing for ‘im now, is to be on ‘is own. We’ll be around if ‘e really needs us, but we ‘ave to let ‘im try it this way.”
“To be alone?”
“’E won’t be alone. If ‘e really needs us, we’ll be there.”
“So, it’s me Rex no wants.”
“Cachi, I told ya. Rex is a proud man, and I ‘onestly believe ‘e’ll call ya when ‘e’s ‘ad time to come to terms with things.”
I frowned, not understanding. “What things to come to terms with?”
“’Is injury to ‘is legs. And ‘is bloody stupid ‘eart. When ‘e wakes up and realizes ‘e misses you, ‘e’ll call.” When I was silent, thinking about what he said, he spoke up again. “’E’s lucky you want ‘is stubborn arse.”
