Page 30 of Forbidden Dreams
The guys fell silent.
"Well, don't they?" I thought that was a common complaint from women. They wanted to talk about their feelings, and they wanted a commitment. But most guys weren't excited about sharing their emotions. I wasn't that different from everyone else.
Hudson gave me a look. "No one has ever told me that."
"I haven't dated anyone long enough before Belle to hear that from anyone," Maverick joked, and everyone laughed.
"It's just the women I've dated then," I said.
Morgan pointed at me. "Maybe the problem is you."
I took another swig of beer, wishing I was having this revelation at home where I could think about it when I was alone. But in front of the guys, I had to appear to be unaffected. "I'm not interested in settling down anyway."
The guys exchanged looks, and Maverick started talking about an upcoming character night at Belle's Bookshop.
Hudson leaned in and said, "You might want to work on that now though."
"Work on what exactly?" I asked.
"Talking about your feelings. The best part of being in a relationship is being vulnerable with someone."
My stomach twisted at the idea. "Yeah, no thank you."
His brow furrowed. "What happened to make you so closed off?"
I bristled because I'd heard that more times than I could count. "My parents didn't exactly have the best relationship."
"Your father was around though?" Hudson asked.
"When he needed something, and if he didn't get it, he stole it." There had been a lot of late-night fighting, and I tried to shield Emery from it. Whenever, a memory surfaced from when we were kids, I felt ashamed. I didn't want to share that with anyone, much less the Sterlings.
Morgan gave me a sympathetic look. "That's messed up. I had no idea."
"I've never talked about it before," I said, feeling uncomfortable.
"I appreciate you sharing that with me."
I nodded, not liking how I felt after sharing, more vulnerable than ever. The familiar shame crept in. "It was nothing like your house."
"I figured that. Why else would you hang out with these idiots?" Hudson teased.
"You fought, but you also joked around. You loved each other." That much was apparent.
"You are part of our family too. I know you try and keep yourself separate from us, but you don't have to."
"I appreciate that." But I couldn't help it. I learned a long time ago not to get too close to anyone. And sharing my past was a step too far. I already felt unsettled from sharing what little I had.
"I hope you know that we don't think less of you because your home life was shit," Hudson said.
"I love my mom and my sister. I just wish my mom would have cut my dad off. She let him keep coming back. That was the hardest part. I kept hoping for something different, and they always let me down." Shit. Where had that come from?
"You were a kid. You wanted a dad who was there for you, provided for you."
I swallowed over the lump in my throat. "Your dad is great, you know."
"I know," Hudson said quietly. "And I hope I'm a good dad to Ayla. I try to be."
"You are, and you're going to be a great father to the newest Sterling too."
