Page 13 of Grip Me Tight
“You don’t look like you’re having much fun,” she says, sweeping the long skirt of her dress out of the way.
I shake my head. “I’m having a great time. You guys always throw a wonderful party.”
“Then why have you stayed away so long?”
I shrug. “It’s busy. And I do see you guys.”
“I know, sweetie, and we’re so grateful. I just want you to know how welcome you are and how much we miss you, here.”
A pang hits me in the chest. I know they’ve missed me, and I’ve missed them. I do see them, but I know what she’s saying. She’s saying I don’t come here, where they call home. I struggle with the word though. Do I really have a home, here or anywhere? As much as I love them, and I know they love me, can I claim this is my home or just the one I wished I had growing up?
“I don’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”
“You’re not. I promise. It’s just been so hectic lately.”
“It’s been a tough year for you. I hope you know you can come to us if you need to.”
“I know. It’s fine.” I stare out at the fire.
“Looking forward to your downtime after the Chicago shows?”
I stretch my legs out. “Absolutely. I’ve got a one-bedroom cabin booked in that town where Laird’s from up north and I plan on doing nothing but writing.”
“I thought Laird offered you his place?”
“Yeah, he did, but I don’t need anything that big and his folks scheduled some renovations or something while I’m going to be there, so it’s not really available. But this place looks sweet. Right on the lake, surrounded by trees.”
“Sounds isolated.”
“Exactly what I want.”
She studies me with kind, blue-grey eyes. “You know, Tanner. Sometimes being alone can be lonely.”
“Being alone doesn’t bother me, plus I have to work. The label wants new stuff for Europe.”
“Well, you know you can always have this place too. We’re going to head back to Greenwich once you boys clear out.”
“What about Sterling?” I could have kicked myself. I don’t care what she’s doing.
“Oh, I’m not certain what she’s doing. She’ll come with us I imagine.” Emma looks out across the garden. “Although she seems a bit restless since she’s been home. Have you noticed anything?”
“Nope.” Now that Emma mentions it, Sterling’s full lips had been pinched when I saw her earlier, and it’s not like her to turn down jumping in on a game. But maybe she was just annoyed at seeing me.
“I’m worried about her,” Emma sighs.
“Why?” Alarm straightens my spine. Is she sick? I mentally catalogue everything I’ve noticed over the past couple of days. She doesn’t look thin or pale and Noah hasn’t said anything. “She’s okay, right?”
Emma pats me on the leg. “Oh, sweetie. It’s nothing like that. I promise. She’s doing great.”
I relax, sinking back against the cushions of the bench. I might have stayed away the last few years, but if Sterling got sick again, I’d have to be here. I don’t know why the thought hits me, but sadness spears my heart. Emma once talked to me about my fears over death, how my mother’s habits instilled me with some control issues which might have come to light by having to watch Sterling struggle with her health for so long. Maybe it’s true. I only know that having a psychologist as a surrogate parent meant accepting that Emma saw far too much sometimes.
She sighs again. “Sterling just seems a little unhappy. I can’t say I’m not thrilled about her and that guy breaking up, because something about him seemed off so I hope that’s not what’s wrong.”
“Noah said the guy was a jerk.”
“Yes. I can see where he’d think that. Jake was always very polite to us, but there was something about his body language, the way he spoke to Sterling that rubbed me the wrong way.”
“Well, she’s away from him now. And she’s done school, so you don’t have to worry anymore.”
