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“I’d be an amazing bachelor for the nextGroomsman to Groombecause, well...” he flexes a bicep, “I know how to make women scream in pleasure. With my batting average, of course. Given my record playing baseball for the Seattle Rainiers.”
I choke on my coffee sludge. Jerry looks at me, eyes the size of pizzas. The phone lines light up, and I can practicallyfeelMarcus Steele’s office door about to burst open.
But then I check our ratings monitor, and they’re spiking. Hard. Like, record-breaking hard.
In a split-second decision that’ll either get me fired or promoted, I grab my headset mic. “Donny, don’t panic,” I say into his earpiece. “Roll with it. Make it look planned.”
Donny’s eyes dart around.
I instruct, “Say: ‘Well, folks, the crew here at KBVR wanted to do me a favor and use myGroomsman to Groomtryout footage to help find me a girlfriend.’”
To his credit, Donny repeats my line verbatim, managing a chuckle.
“Now say: ‘I guess they were tired of me complaining about how ready I am for that special person in my life, so here we are,’” I continue, watching the ratings climb even higher.
Donny follows my lead, his newscaster training kicking in.
“Perfect. Now: ‘If you’re single and want a date with me, apparently KBVR producers have set up a place to send in your application, which will go live on our website by the end of the day.’”
He shoots me a desperate look through the camera, but repeats the line.
“Now wrap with: ‘With that said, we’ll be back with a sports highlight reel you don’t want to miss. After the break.’”
Donny signs off, and the second we cut to commercial, he rips out his earpiece. His face contorts as he storms off set, making a beeline straight for me. I don’t even brace for impact—at this point in my career, the yelling rolls right off me. Besides, he was the bonehead with the wrong footage.
But before Hurricane Donny makes landfall, Marcus Steele intercepts him. Our station manager’s usually stern face crumples into a deep scowl. “What the hell was that, Lane?”
My eyes flick to Donny to see if he’ll fess up. His mouth opens and closes like a damn fish. “It was—” he begins.
“Actually, it was Donny,” Jerry pipes up. “He brought in the wrong footage, and Zoe turned it into ratings gold.”
When Marcus looks at the ratings monitor, his face splits with a rare smile. “Holy shit. We just broke our all-time recordfor the five p.m. slot.” His gaze flicks to me, eyebrows raised. “So, Lane, this was your quick thinking?”
I straighten my shoulders. “Just making lemonade, sir.”
Marcus nods. “Well, it’s some damn fine lemonade.”
“Look at our socials—we’re trending locally already,” Jerry says. “And the phone lines are jammed with women wanting Donny’s number.”
Marcus turns back to Donny. “Looks like you just scored from all this—high ratingsanda bunch of dates.”
Donny blinks, the wheels turning behind his eyes as he realizes this disaster might actually benefit him. “Right,” he says finally. He doesn’t thank me—shocker—before stalking off toward his dressing room.
Marcus gives me an appraising look.
Come on, Zoe. This is your chance. Say it.Now’s the time to mention the promotion I’ve been angling for. Executive producer—the brass ring I’ve been killing myself for over the last four years. The thing I’ve sacrificed weekends, holidays, and any semblance of a personal life to achieve.
Plus, I couldreallyuse the extra cash that’d come with it. My studio apartment’s above the Sparkling Suds laundromat, and my old Jeep could crap out at any moment. I’ve been making a few extra bucks with my podcast,Zoe Knows, where I discuss news events with humor and jokes. It’s a newsy radio host type of deal on Spotify, but it’s just me at any time of day or night, whenever I can squeeze in my take on something timely. I’ve amassed a decent following, but it’s hard with a demanding job and not enough income to invest in the podcast. I have zero money for advertising, PR, social media growth, equipment… the expenses go on and on.
So yeah, let’s talk about that promotion, Marcus.
He pats me on the shoulder. “Keep up the good work.”
“Thanks.” I try not to sound disappointed, but I am. He’s been dangling the executive producer position over my head for years now, and I’m starting to think he’s never going to give it to me.
Jerry signals that we need to load the sports highlight package to play after the break. I dive in, sending it to camera number two.
As the next segment wraps and I return to my desk, Donny saunters by, much calmer. “Saved my ass again, Lane. What would I do without you?”
