Page 114 of Searching for her Heart
“Good, now you don’t have to worry anymore, here,” he says, passing me a piece of dried meat. It’s easy for him to say that, but I definitely don’t feel any less worried.
“I’m just going to go relieve myself behind the tree over there,” I tell them as I stand up and walk through the trees behind us. Luckily, they’re dense enough that I don’t have to go too far.
When I’m finished my business, I head back to camp and hear Silver’s voice. “Don’t you guys get it? She clearly has a deep fear of abandonment.” I halt in my tracks at his words. Is he talking about me? “First she lost her brother, hertwinbrother, and then her parents. Then Ria was all she had left, she clearly saw her as a sister and she lost her too.”
“But we told her, time and time again, that we’re not going anywhere,” Ryker says, sounding exasperated.
“It doesn’t matter,” Drake replies. “I don’t even think she’s fully aware of it herself. But I’ve been watching her carefully for the past few months, and I can see it. She’s absolutely terrified ofyou leaving her, any of you.”
Was that true?Is my fear of them leaving me deeper than I thought? Is that what’s got me all freaked out today?
“And it’s more than that,” Silver continues. “ I think she does all these crazy things because she’s afraid you’ll get bored with her.”
“Wait, you’re saying you think she marched into the market that day by herself because we might be bored with her otherwise?” Ryker asks, sounding confused.
Fuck, if they think that’s true, they’ll be pissed.Was it true?No, I shake my head at myself. That’s definitely not why I marched into that market. It was because I wanted to do something special for them, I wanted them to know how strong I was, that I could do it on my own…
“No,” Silver continues, “That’s not what she’s thinking when she does it, I’m sure. She was probably upset from the fire incident, she wanted to prove to you that she was capable. She thinks that if she can’t do things for herself, that you’ll get bored with her. I think it’s a combination of her wanting to keep you interested and to show that she’s strong.“
Is that really what I do?His words don’t exactly hurt, more like I’m surprised that he’s the one to see it when even I didn’t.
“So, how do we help her?” Apollo asks.
Drake is the one to answer. “We just keep reassuring her that we’re not going anywhere, and make her realize that we’re stronger together, all six of us.”
“Five of you,” Silver corrects him.
And out of everything that I’ve just overheard, those last three words are the ones that hurt the most. I’m so tempted to turn and find somewhere to sit on my own, and stew in my thoughts, but after everything that’s just been said, I know that marching off into this dense forest by myself is stupid. I don’t want to be taken by another group of bandits because of my own stupidity.
So instead, I march forward, making as much noise as I can so they know I’m coming. I don’t look at anybody as I fumble through one of the packs the men were carrying, looking for a blanket. Nobody says a word as I find a rock free spot on the grassy ground between where Ryker and Brax sit by the fire, and lay down on my side staring at the flames as I pull the blanket over me.
“Baby?” Brax asks, his hand resting on my calf. Something about his concerned voice causes my emotions to ramp up quickly.
“I’m fine,” I whisper, but my breath hitches on the last word, and I know they all hear it. I tuck my head to my chest and pull the blanket over my head, embarrassed by my reactions.
Why was I getting so emotional? And why did it feel like my heart was being pulled out of my chest? I ask myself those questions, but I know the answer. It was because of Silver’s rejection. In my mind, those three words cemented the fact that he doesn’t want to be with me, even though I loved him. Why can’t I just be happy with the five mates I have?
Under the blanket, I cover my face in my hands and try to muffle the sound of my crying. God, I’m so pathetic, why would any of them want to be around me? No wonder Silver doesn’t want me.
I hear a loud whack, followed by a grunt.Did someone just get punched?My body is lifted and I’m settled in Brax’s lap, his arms wrapping tightly around me as he tucks my head under his chin and rocks me back and forth silently.
We sit like that for a long time, and I’m grateful he doesn’t say anything. I’m not sure that he could say anything to help, anyway.
CHAPTER FORTY-TWO
PENNY
Imust have fallen asleep in Brax’s arms as I find myself blinking my eyes open in what appears to be the early morning. I don’t remember anything else after breaking down and him holding me, so I take a moment to sit up and look around. Brax and Ryker are on either side of me, with Drake beside Brax and the twins on the other side of Ryker. I look around for Silver and find him sitting on the opposite side of the fire, looking into the forest with his back to us.
I guess he’s on watch right now. I quietly stand up and head in the opposite direction to relieve myself. As I’m finishing up, a blue butterfly flies past my face and I find myself watching it, waiting for it to stop moving so I can better assess it. I don’t think I’ve seen one like this before. It’s moving slowly and I carefully walk behind it, trying not to scare it, and when it finally flutters down to a low-hanging branch, I move closer to take a good look.
Just as I’m starting to bend over to see it closer, a giant foot stomps down on it, making me gasp in surprise as I fall backwards on my ass. I look up at the giant being before me. It has to be at least nine feet tall and has green dirty skin with pointed ears and a long curving nose. A mess of black hair falls down its back, and he’s completely naked.Holy shit, is this a fucking troll?!
He tilts his head down as he makes eye contact with me and growls.
Instead of doing something cool like growling back or grabbing a branch and stabbing him, I have the most useless girly reaction possible and scream my head off, as I try to crab walk backwards away from him.
My scream is cut off when I feel the ground vibrate, and see two more trolls appear on either side of me.
