Page 89 of Better Off Wed
I frowned. “I can’t stay here. Gideon and I broke up.”
“Last I checked, it’s a free country. You can stay here if you want to.”
“Come on.” I scoffed.
“What! The Marses might own half this town, but we’re not their loyal subjects. Make your life where you want, girl. You’ve got free will. Right?”
I stared at her. She stared right back. “That would be so awkward.”
“Never stopped me.” She dropped into one of the chairs next to the work table and it rolled back a few feet while she kicked her legs up.
“What happened between you and the Mars family, anyway?”
“No,” she said, lifting a finger. “We’re not getting distracted here. You’re telling me why you need to run away when you’ve got a perfectly good shop right here. And the world is online, isn’t it? So you can still sell your dresses all over the country while enjoying the affordable rent that Marswood Harbor provides.”
“I’m not running away.”
“Girl.”
I huffed, staring at the wall. “I might be running away.”
“It’s kind of your thing.”
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” I snapped, whirling around to face her again.
Caroline arched her brows. “Oh, wow. Are we in our first fight?”
“I hate you, you know.”
“No you don’t. And yeah, you’re running away. You ran from Manhattan thinking Gideon would save you from yourself. But you know what they say”—she smiled sardonically and swept her hands in an arch—“‘Wherever you go, there you are.’So you can run to the other side of the world and it won’t change a damn thing. Why go through all the trouble? Just stay here to deal with your shit. Save yourself the hassle of moving somewhere new. Besides, I was just getting used to seeing a new face around town.”
“I don’t have ‘shit’ to deal with.”
“Oh, so we’re indenial, denial.”
“Have I mentioned how much I hate you?”
Caroline gave me that witchy, evil smile of hers, and I couldn’t help the laugh that fell out of me. She pushed herself up to her feet, set her mug down on the table, and came toward me. Her hands were heavy when they landed on my shoulders. “Sadie,” she said, becoming serious. “Stop running. Face the big monster right here, where you’re strongest.”
“The big monster” was my own inadequacy. It was easier to make myself smaller instead of reaching out and grabbing life with both hands, shaking it, and seeing what fell out.
What if I really wasn’t good enough? All the men in my life had been right to dump me. My mother had been right to disparage me. I was lacking in all ways—physical, mental, and emotional—and it wasn’t going to get better.
The thoughts felt like the truth.
But Caroline was staring at me with her glimmering hazel eyes, and I wondered if this particular truth was mutable. What if I was enough…for me?
Ilikedmy body. I liked my drive and my determination. I liked that I’d been able to start over multiple times, pick myself up after breakups, job losses, and business failures. I liked that I still believed in love, even when love kicked me around and left me for dead.
“There she is,” Caroline murmured, smiling. “You don’t need a man to give you permission to step into your power.”
I straightened, then wrapped my arms around my friend. My only friend. My best friend. She squeezed me in a tight hug, then stepped back and said, “Should we go egg the Marswood Security building later? All that glass…it would be impossible to clean up.”
I laughed, and then was mortified when it turned into a sob. Caroline made a horrified noise, and I wasn’t sure if it was because of my distress or just the fact that I was crying in her vicinity.
“Sorry,” I said, wiping tears that wouldn’t stop coming. “It’s just—I want to stay, but I don’t know if I can stand seeing Gideon around.”
“You’re in love with him.”
