Page 43 of Better Off Wed
I managed to look down at my palm, and the haze of anger was eased with a breath of confusion.
She’d given me a flash drive.
FOURTEEN
SADIE
I wasn’t expecting Gideon to jump up for joy or anything, but even so, his reaction disappointed me. He stared at the flash drive like it was a dead cockroach, his lip curling as he scowled.
“You went to Rock Bottom forthis?”
“Okay, let’s try that again.” I gave him a sharp, humorless smile. “Instead of being an absolute jerk about it, you can say something along the lines of, ‘Wow, Sadie, you’re so clever and resourceful. I’m so glad to have you around.’”
“Wow, Sadie, you walk into a biker bar with no backup for a flash drive of questionable origin that may or may not contain anything of value.”
Curling my fingers into a fist, I held back a growl. Anger sizzled inside me as I glared at Gideon. “That,” I hissed, “wasrude. You still don’t have any footage of Mr. Titty, right? Other than our wedding day? Well,thatis video of him tagging Rock Bottom!”
“I didn’t ask you to go gathering evidence for me,” he replied through clenched teeth.
“You didn’t ask me for anything!”
“Exactly!” Gideon puffed out big, angry breaths, glaring at me with those ice-blue eyes.
Marrying him had been the biggest mistake of my life. I wasn’t going to be able to think straight for a decade, just from the effect he had on me. “While we’re airing our grievances, how about you tell me what the hell that was, in there.” I tilted my head toward the bar.
“What are you talking about?”
“What am I talking about?” I screeched. “What am Italkingabout!”
“Yes, Sadie! What the hell are you talking about?”
“You kissed me!” My voice, mortifyingly, was shrill, and it broke on the last word.
Gideon’s glare intensified. He stood close enough that I could feel the heat of him. Close enough that I had to tilt my chin up to meet his stare. “Yeah,” he replied in a low voice. “That bother you?”
It didn’t bother me; that was the problem. But kissing Gideon hadn’t been part of our agreement. We were supposed to be married on paper. He’d get to keep his business. I’d get my fresh start. That was the deal.
But every time Gideon did something nice for me, it made my thoughts rush toward married bliss and love and rainbows and butterflies and unicorns. And a kiss? It set me on fire. It made me forget all the ways that I needed to keep myself safe.
Sex and intimacy needed to be off thetable. We were married in name only. That was the way for me to survive this without breaking my own heart in the process.
The alternative was admitting to Gideon about the vaginismus. Admitting to myself how much I craved intimacy with him—emotional and physical. And once I did that, I’d have to see his endless disappointment in me. Just like everyone else.
No. I liked it here. I wouldn’t ruin it by letting him in. This right here—how fuckingrudehe was—was proof that I couldn’t open up to him, ever.
I would never have it all, so I had to carve out a little sliver of life where I knew I could be content. A friend or two. My business. A place to stay. That was enough. It had to be enough; I would never have anything more.
“It bothers me that you marched in there and made a show of kissing me,” I finally replied. “It bothers me that even now, you haven’t thanked me.”
“Maybe you wanted to ride Cash’s bike,” Gideon replied with a curl of his lips.
“Oh, no,” I said, brushing past him. “We’re not doing this. You’re not turning this on me and making me feel bad for being a woman who exists in proximity to other men.”
“He wastouchingyou.”
I whirled around. “That’s more than you’ve done!”
As soon as the words were out of my mouth, I regretted them. He wasn’t meant to touch me; that was our agreement. The fact that I couldn’t stop myself from falling for him was an inconvenience. It was my problem to deal with.
