Page 27 of Tease
I’m so sorry for everything. What can I do?
Just tell me! I’ll do anything for you, Dimples…
You are it for me, my other half, the pulse to my heart, too.
CapGuy:P
Just fucking talk to me!!!!!!
I read his words over again before closing my cell phone, placing the screen face down next to me. I rub on the inside of my wrist, remembering his lips, his words.
Honestly, I really thought I could eventually move on from these negative feelings toward Jared. I love him, but the terrible truth is, it’s not enough. He needs to be with someone who can look at him and see the wonderful, handsome gentleman that he is. Not a constant reminder that he’s the sibling of the murderer who took Beth from me.
Jared could’ve done something, right? He was there, on his own property for fuck’s sake! Like, why didn’t he know what the hell his brother had been up to? Or maybe if he would’ve gone out of his way and found Beth to talk to her when she got there that night, maybe she’d still be here with me.
Anytime I miss him and long to kiss him, the floodgates to my mind open, filling me with enough guilt and shame that it suffocates me, making me wish it was me who had died instead that night. I can’t be with him; it would only cause us both more pain than we’re already experiencing. But this necklace,the one I’m currently swinging back and forth as a method to calm me, I’ll keepforever. It will be a constant reminder to me of the happiest day of my life… the old Kailey. That can never be erased, because it was before the worst day of my life. Jared just happens to be involved in both memories. He belongs in my past; he wouldn’t survive my future.
I hear tires outside tracking against the pavement, and Brittney’s Bronco comes into view. She gives me her signaturehonk. I open my front door, and I can’t help but smile at her and give her a wave.
“There’s my beautiful bestie!” she squeals while hopping out of her seat and walking over to the passenger door. Internally, I cringe at her words. Ugh, I’m not so sure about the “beautiful” part. I haven’t showered in days, and I’m wearing a shirt three times too big and sweats that had to be rolled up at the waist three times to stay on my hips. Maybe I’ve lost some weight during all this…
“I brought us coffee. And moscato. Whichever you’re feeling up to!” A big bottle of moscato is tucked under her right armpit, while each of her hands hold a coffee cup. I notice right away the slogan on the side of each cup; it’s from my favorite place to grab a coffee.
“You don’t have to spoil me every time you come by.” Leaving my door open, she follows me inside and places the coffees on my kitchen table. Brittney grabs the wine bottle, giving it a little shake in the air. “So, which are you feeling?”
She really is the best; I’m lucky to have her. “Let’s drink the coffee while it’s fresh and steamy. I can already smell those caramel macchiatos.”
“Deal!” She walks over to the fridge and puts the moscato on the top shelf. Brittney hands me a coffee, and we both settle ourselves on the couch, legs curled in and facing each other. She doesn’t even take a second glance at my appearance.
I nudge her foot with mine. “Thank you, this means a lot. You know, the part where you come by every day to check on me.” I give her a tearful smile, and then busy myself by taking a big sip of my macchiato. Froth hits my tongue first, then the flavor consumes me, and it relaxes my body; a sigh escapes from my mouth.
“Anytime, babe. You know I’m always here for you.”
Brittney shifts uncomfortably before she lays her next words on me. “So, the guys tell me Jared keeps asking about you.”
I look away, uncomfortable. “Yeah… he’s been texting me multiple times a day. He even stopped by my work a few nights ago. I couldn’t even go outside. I hid instead.”
Brittney grabs a hold of my knee. “So what’s going on then? Did you mean what you said?”
I look into her hopeful eyes before speaking my truth. “Yeah, sadly… I really meant it. That’s the problem, Britt. He made me so damn happy. But now it’s all jaded. I can’t think of him, or even look at him, without feeling guilty.”
“But you do know that he had nothing to do with it, right? Jared didn’t kill your sister, Kailey.”
“Yep, well, it doesn’t change the fact that if I’d never met him, Beth would’ve never been introduced to Joey, and she’d still be alive!” I slam my cardboard cup down too hard, causing foam to splash out of the top.
“Okay. Okay.” Brittney places her palm flat against my upper back and rubs smoothing circles.
“I can’t live my life here without her.” I rest my head on the armrest of the couch. “Mom, Dad, Travey… we’re all just shadows of ourselves, trying to survive day by day.”
“Well... there was another motive for my impromptu visit today…”
I perk up at her confession. “Okay… that isn’t suspicious at all...”
Brittney stands up and looks down at me. Her feet are shuffling back and forth, and her words come out rushed. “I got accepted into that law school I applied to earlier this year. The one in Chicago. Their first semester won’t start until January, but we could move up there now; we could start fresh there together!”
I sit up, elbows on my knees, and look straight into her bluish-gray eyes. “You want me to come with you?”
“Duh, we were always supposed to live together, right? Let’s do it!” She’s bouncing up and down, unable to hide her excitement. “Think about it. We’d be somewhere that Beth never was; we could find you a nursing program there. And I know your family would understand.”
