Page 93 of What We Brave
"Laine, big feelings isn't the same as rejection."
"No. But it's not approval either." I grab my beer off the table and pick at the label. "They'll worry. About my soul, probably. About whether I'm making good choices. About what their mission community will think."
"Do you care what their mission community thinks?"
"No. Buttheydo." I sigh. "And I care about them. I don't want to hurt them or make their lives harder."
I press the heels of my palms against my eyes. When I look up, Jamila's watching me with a soft expression that pushes me a stepcloser to losing it completely. I love her so much. She's such a good friend.
"What do you think?" My voice cracks. "About me doing this? Would you—do you judge me?"
"Oh, honey. I'm a raging lesbian. Non-traditional relationships and families are kind of a thing in my world." She pulls me into another hug, and this time I do cry. Just a little. "I think you're brave as hell."
"Even after everything Blake did?"
"Even then." She pulls back, hands on my shoulders. "You're choosing to try. That takes guts."
I hiccup-laugh, wiping my face.
Jamila grins. "Besides, I'm not gonna lie—the sex is probably going to beamazing."
I freeze.
"What?"
"Two partners completely focused on you? The variety? The?—"
"Oh my God." My brain short-circuits. "Oh myGod. I didn't—that didn't even?—"
"You didn't think about the sex?" Jamila's eyebrows shoot up. "At all?"
"I was focused on the emotional apocalypse!"
"Well." She stands, heading for the liquor cabinet. "We're definitely going to need the tequila."
I crawl under the coffee table and press my cheek to the floor.
"Laine—"
"No. I'm staying here. Forever."
20
REID
Work was a mess. Not the calls themselves—those were routine.
No, the mess was in my head.
Every moment of downtime, every quiet stretch between calls, my brain looped right back to the same damn thing. Laine's suggestion. The three of us. Together.
Not like "together at brunch" together. Together together.
Tony caught me staring at the wall twice. Asked if I was feeling okay. I told him I was fine, just tired.
Liar.
I couldn't stop replaying it. The way Laine's voice had gone soft and uncertain when she brought it up. The careful way she'd watched my face, like she was bracing for me to bolt. And me — just sitting there like an idiot with my mouth half open, not knowing what to say. Real eloquent, Reid. Top marks.
