Page 76 of What We Brave
Laine wipes her eyes with the back of her hand. "Maybe this is how it has to be. All of us walking away. Starting fresh somewhere else, with someone else." She takes a shaky breath. "Maybe we could all find happiness eventually. Real happiness, with people who don't come with all this baggage. And maybe —" She looks between us. "Maybe sometime you two could find your way back to being family. Without me in the middle complicating everything."
Blake laughs. Low and rough, like broken glass scraping together. "That's not happening for me." He leans forward, elbows on his knees, hands hanging loose between them. "I'm not doing this again. Ever."
"Blake—"
"I know what I feel." His voice is flat, final. "Took me thirty-seven years to feel it, and look how that turned out. I'm not opening myselfup to this again. I can't." He shakes his head slowly. "So don't factor me into your calculations about future happiness. That ship has sailed and sunk and is currently rusting at the bottom of the fucking ocean."
Little tears slip down Laine's cheeks. She doesn't wipe them away this time, just lets them fall.
And Blake — Blake looks wrecked. Not angry-wrecked. Not dramatic-wrecked. Hollowed out. Like somebody reached in and took everything that made him Blake and left the rest standing there out of habit.
I lean back against the headrest, staring at the ceiling.
What if they could be happy?
The thought just — lands. No warning. No buildup. Just drops into my brain like it's been waiting in line this whole time and finally shoved its way to the front.
Not me and Laine. Not some impossible three-way situation where we all hold hands and pretend math works differently.
Just them. Blake and Laine.
I should be angry. Right? That's the correct response here. Jealousy, rage, something with teeth. But I'm sitting here watching two people fall apart in slow motion and all I've got left is tired. Bone-deep, scraped-out tired. The kind where you stop swinging because your arms don't work anymore, not because you decided to be the bigger person.
I drag my hand down my face.
Blake hurt her. Yeah. But he also saw things I didn't. Things I was too busy bouncing around to notice, too busy being the fun one, the easy one, the one who never pressed too hard because pressing too hard means someone might press back. And Laine — Laine kissed him. Not to wreck me. Not as a weapon. Because something was there.
My fingers find a loose thread on my sleeve and I pull at it. Twist it. Keep twisting.
All three of us ending up alone. That's the alternative. That's what happens if everyone just — stops. And that's not noble or tragic or whatever word makes it sound better.
That's just stupid. Sad and stupid and a waste of every good thing any of us ever had.
"What if--" I start, then stop. The words sit on my tongue like a live wire. One wrong move and this whole thing blows.
Both of them look at me.
I swallow. Hard. "What if you and Blake dated. Maybe there's enough there for both of you to be happy someday."
The words are barely out before Blake's on his feet.
"No." His voice lands like a punch. "Absolutely not."
I stand too. Close the distance. "Blake, just listen--"
"I said no." He's right in my face now, jaw locked so tight I can see the muscle jump, eyes hot enough to burn. "You don't get to do this. You don't get to sacrifice yourself on some altar of nobility and pretend it's what you want."
"Maybe it is what I want!"
"Bullshit!" Blake shoves my shoulder. Not hard--just enough. Just enough to sayI see you and you're full of it. "You love her. You've loved her from the start. I'm not taking that from you."
"And I'm not watching you disappear again!" My voice cracks. Splinters right down the middle like cheap plywood. "You think I didn't notice? You were dying, Blake. Right in front of me, and I was too wrapped up in my own happiness to see it."
"That's not your problem to fix."
"The hell it isn't." He tries to turn away and I grab his arm. My fingers dig in. I'm not letting go. "You're my brother. You're the only family I have left. And I almost lost you because I was too selfish to let you go."
Blake yanks free. "So your solution is to hand me your girlfriend? Like she's a fucking consolation prize?"
