Page 6 of What We Brave
My lungs stop working. The ambient noise of the ER waiting room drops out, leaving a high, thin ringing in my ears.
"I know you wouldn't hurt her. But intent doesn't matter when the impact is fear." Joyce touches my arm gently. "She filed an incident report yesterday."
The blood drains from my head so fast my knees actually buckle. I have to slap a hand against the side of the rig to stay upright. "What kind of incident report?"
"Workplace harassment. She hasn't pressed charges—yet. But if this continues..."
I lean against the ambulance, struggling to breathe. "I was just trying to talk to her."
"How many times has she told you no?"
I can't answer. I can't even count.
"Reid, look at me." Joyce's voice is gentler now, almost motherly. "You're a good man. I've seen you with patients. I've seen you save lives. But this version of you? The one that won't take no for an answer? This isn't who you are."
"I don't know how to stop." If I stop, I lose everything.
"Yes, you do. You stop showing up where she is. You stop sending flowers. You stop driving past her apartment. You let her breathe."
"What if I lose her forever?"
"Son, you've already lost her. The question now is whether you lose yourself too."
I almost laugh. I already lost me. The only part of myself that I even recognize is the part that still loves Laine. The rest of me is fucking shattered.
I drive back to the station in a daze. Tony takes one look at me and sends me home early.
I sit in my empty house and finally understand what I've become. What I've been doing to her.
Hunting. That's exactly what it was. I was using her as a crutch. As a path out of pain. Because the pain around Blake's betrayal, and him leaving is massive. Almost as big as the pain from losing Laine.
I delete her number from my phone. I throw away the letters I never sent. I cancel the flower deliveries.
Then I look at the string of green texts I've sent Blake over the last month. Dozens of them. Unanswered. Unread. I thought getting rid of Blake would fix it. I thought if he was gone, I could make Laine stay. But my brother is a ghost in the desert who won't answer my calls, and the woman I love checks dark parking lots because of me.
They're both gone.
One is in a war zone because I told him to leave. The other is terrified of me because I wouldn't let her go.
I fucked everything up. There's nothing left for me. No other options.
I spent the last two months hating Blake. Hating him for deciding what was best for us. For manipulating the board. For hurting Laine to serve his own ends.
And what the fuck have I been doing?
Deciding my love matters more than her fear. Forcing a reality she doesn't want. Refusing to listen.
I turned into him.
No. I'm worse.
Blake left to let us heal. I stayed and picked the wound until it festered.
The woman I love checks dark parking lots because of me.
I did that.
I'm the fucking monster.
