Page 314 of What We Brave
"And I'm forty-four. Get over here."
He hesitates, but June's already pressing against my leg, so I crouch down and scoop her onto my hip. She wraps her arms around my neck. Caleb watches, wavering.
"Come on," I say. Soft. "While I can still do this."
Something shifts in his face. He steps forward.
I pull him in, hoist him onto my other hip. He's heavier than he used to be. They all are. Growing so fast I can almost watch it happen.
Three kids in my arms. Iris against my chest, June on one hip, Caleb on the other.
They're giggling. Squirming. June's rabbit is pressed against my cheek. Caleb's elbow is digging into my shoulder. Iris has found my ear and is exploring it with great interest.
I stand there.
Just stand there, holding them.
Everyone leaves.
I told Laine that once. Believed it, too.
Iris grabs my ear. June's rabbit smacks my cheek. Caleb's elbow digs into my shoulder.
Jury's still out on whether I was wrong or just lucky.
They're so small. Still so small. Caleb thinks he's big because he's five and he can write his own name and he lost a tooth last month. But he's not big. None of them are. They still fit in my arms, all three of them, if I hold on tight enough.
That won't last forever.
I know that. I feel it every time Caleb shrugs off a hug, every time June insists she can do it herself, every time Iris figures out somethingnew. They're growing up. That's the whole point—you raise them so they don't need you anymore.
But right now, they need me.
Right now, they're small and warm and mine, and I'm not missing a single second of it.
"Alright." I take a breath. "Uh oh."
June looks up at me. "What?"
"I don't know if I can hold all of you. You're getting too big."
"No we're not!" Caleb says, but he's already grinning. He knows this game.
"You are. You're huge. I can't—I don't think I can?—"
I stagger dramatically. All three of them shriek.
"Papa's gonna drop us!"
"I'm trying—you're just so?—"
I stumble toward the bed, making a show of losing my grip. Caleb's laughing so hard he's not even holding on anymore.
"Caleb's going! I can't save him!"
I let him slide off my hip onto the mattress. He bounces, cracking up, immediately scrambling to sit up and watch the rest of the show.
"June! June, hold on!"
