Page 151 of What We Brave
We don't leave the bed.
I should let her rest. Should get up, get water, clean her up. Be the responsible one.
Instead I roll her onto her back and slide down her body.
"Blake, I can't—I'm still?—"
"Shh." I press a kiss to her hip. "Let me."
I clean her up with my tongue.
Slow. Careful. Not about getting her off—though she does, once,shaking and oversensitive, hands fisting in my hair while she begs me to stop while pulling me closer. It's about something else. Something I don't have words for.
Taking care of her. Making up for every cruel word. Every time I made her feel small.
This is what I know how to do. Take care of things. Fix things. Restore what's been damaged.
When I crawl back up her body, she's limp. Boneless. Eyes barely open.
"You're going to kill me," she mumbles.
"Never." I settle beside her. Pull her into my chest. "Keeping you alive is literally my only job now."
She huffs a laugh. Nuzzles into my shoulder.
"Need water. And probably food. And definitely a shower."
"Later."
"Bossy."
"You like it."
She doesn't deny it.
Silence. Comfortable. Warm. I run my fingers through her hair, working out the tangles as gently as I can. Same thing I'd do with a piece of wood—patient, careful, following the grain instead of fighting it.
This doesn't feel real.
Any of it. If someone told me yesterday that I'd wake up today and have Laine naked in my bed, choosing me,wantingme—I would've called them a liar. And then probably punched them for getting my hopes up.
And underneath the warmth, underneath the bone-deep satisfaction—there's the other thing. The thing I can never fully shut off. The voice that saysthis is temporary. You'll ruin it. You ruin everything good.
I tighten my arms around her. Like if I hold on hard enough, the voice can't take her.
"What are you thinking?" She tilts her head back to look at me.
That I don't deserve this. That I'm terrified I'll fuck it up. That I love you so much it feels like it's going to crush me.
"That Reid's gonna be smug as hell when he gets back."
She groans. "Oh god. He is, isn't he?"
"Absolutely insufferable."
"He planned this." She narrows her eyes. "Didn't he?"
I snort. "Yeah."
