Page 140 of What We Brave
I almost laugh. "I'm not done." I tip her chin up. "Here's what I know. I love you. Blake loves you. And Blake and I—we'd walk through fire for each other. We already have. That's not nothing."
She's watching me. Waiting.
"And I've never seen him like this, Laine. Since you. Sinceus." I brush hair off her face. "He laughs. He actually laughs now. You know how long it's been since I heard that? Years."
Her eyes go glassy.
"So no, I can't promise it'll work. But going back? Pretending this isn't what it is?" I shake my head. "Can't do it. Don't want to."
"What if I mess it up?" she whispers. "What if I hurt one of you?"
"Then we deal with it. Together. That's the whole point."
She lets out a shaky breath and buries her face in my neck. I feel moisture against my skin.
"I'm scared," she admits.
"Me too." I run my hand up and down her spine. "But I'd rather be scared with you than safe without you."
She laughs, wet. "That's cheesy."
"It's true."
"Those aren't mutually exclusive."
"Go to sleep, Laine."
She snuggles closer, body finally relaxing into mine. Her breathing evens out within minutes.
I stay awake a little longer, listening to the house settle. The creak of old wood. The hum of the refrigerator. The silence from the workshop.
Laine's hand twitches against my chest. Dreaming.
I press my mouth to her hair and close my eyes.
Please let this work. Please let us not screw it up.
It's the closest thing to a prayer I've said in years.
28
BLAKE
My hands grip the edge of the counter hard enough to turn my knuckles white.
I didn't sleep. Couldn't. Spent most of the night in the workshop, sanding the same piece of wood over and over until my arms ached. Anything to keep my hands busy. Anything to stop thinking about what was happening upstairs.
Didn't work.
When I finally crashed, I heard them. Not everything—the walls aren't that thin—but enough. Laine's voice, muffled but unmistakable. The creak of Reid's bed frame.
I'm not mad. That's the fucked up part. I'm not jealous the way I expected to be. The way I used to be.
I'mwound tight.
Every nerve in my body is firing. I've been hard off and on since midnight. Took a cold shower at 04:00. Didn't help. Tried push-ups until my arms gave out. Didn't help either.
Nothing helps.
