Page 83 of What We Brave
"All night if we need it."
The room goes quiet. Outside, a car passes. Someone's dog barks in the distance. Normal sounds from a normal world that has no idea what's happening in this living room.
"I'll go first," I offer, because someone has to. And I have a lot of fears. "I'm afraid of not being believed."
Both of them look at me, waiting.
"When Blake was..." I search for the right word. I don't want to bring up the past, but we have to. "When things were bad. I told Reid something was wrong. Multiple times. And every time, I got explanations. Excuses.Blake just needs time. Blake's protective. Blake's working through stuff." My throat tightens. "I started thinking I was crazy. That I was imagining it. That maybe I was the problem."
Reid's face crumples. "Laine?—"
"I know you're sorry. I know you didn't mean to." I hold up my hand. "But if we do this — whatever this is — I need to know that when I say something feels wrong, you'll both actually hear me. Not explain it away. Not tell me I'm overreacting. Actuallylisten."
"We will," Blake says quietly. "I will."
"You say that now." The words come out sharper than I intend. "But you're the one who made me feel like I was losing my mind. For months. You looked me in the eye and told me I was pathetic. Desperate. Nothing special."
Blake flinches like I've slapped him.
"I'm not saying that to hurt you." I force myself to meet his gaze. "I'm saying it because it's true, and because I'm still careful around you. I still brace myself a little when we're alone. I still wait for the other shoe to drop."
"That's fair," he manages.
"And there's something else." I pull my knees tighter to my chest. "I don't... I'm not there yet. With you. With feelings."
Blake goes very still.
"I care about you. Obviously. I kissed you. I think about you. But love?" I shake my head. "I don't know. And I'm scared of what happens if I never get there. If Reid and I have this history, this foundation, and you're always... waiting. For something I can't give."
The silence stretches. Blake stares at the floor. I hate that I hurt him. But honestly, there's so much hurt swirling through the three of us, I don't think it can make anything worse.
"Okay," he finally says. "That makes sense. You can't make someone love you."
Reid clears his throat. "My turn, I guess."
We both turn toward him. He's hunched in the armchair, fingers laced together, knuckles white.
"I'm scared of the dark." He laughs bitterly. "Not literal dark. The place I go when things fall apart. After Jared died, I barely functioned for a year. Blake knows. He was there. And after you left..." He looks at me. "I turned into someone I didn't recognize."
"Reid—"
"Let me finish." His voice cracks. "If this goes wrong — if I lose both of you at once — I don't know what I'd become. I don't know if I'd come back from that. If it ended now, I might recover. But to hope again? That shit's dangerous."
Blake leans forward. "You wouldn't be alone. Even if?—"
"Let me finish." Reid cuts him off. "I'd built this whole life in my head. Me and Laine. Marriage. Kids maybe. A future that looked a certain way. And now I have to let that idea go. Mourn it, almost. Even if we do this, even if it's good, that version of my life is dead. I'm grieving something that never existed."
I hadn't thought about it that way. The life he'd imagined. The one that was just us.
"I'm sorry," I whisper.
"Don't be." He shakes his head. "It's not your fault. It's just... real. And scary."
We all look at Blake. He's been quiet, jaw working, eyes fixed on some point in the middle distance.
"Blake?" I prompt gently.
"I'm afraid I'd always be on the outside." His voice comes out rough. Like he's dragging each word through gravel. "You two have history. Inside jokes. A rhythm. I'd be the addition. The third wheel who's technically invited but never quite fits."
