Page 79 of What We Brave
I kiss them.
Reid's kiss tastes like salt and familiarity. Home.
Blake's kiss tastes like possibility. Like jumping off a cliff and trusting someone to catch you.
I pull back. They're both staring at me, stunned.
"Why—" Blake's voice cracks.
"Because you're both adorable idiots." I shrug. "And honestly? It couldn't make anything worse." We're going up in flames. It's not like this disaster could get any bigger.
Blake's already seen me kiss Reid. Multiple times. So I focus on Reid instead—on those wide eyes, that shellshocked expression. He doesn't look angry, though. Which is all kinds of interesting.
Suddenly I can't live without knowing what's going on in Reid Garrison's head. "How did it feel?" My voice comes out breathy, but steady. "Watching me kiss Blake?"
He blinks, eyes a little glazed. "I don't know. I thought I'd hate it. It should feel like a fucking betrayal." He runs his hand through his hair,leaving it sticking up in about six different directions. "But I didn't. I just... watched. And it felt..."
He trails off. His gaze bounces between Blake and me, jaw working, like he's digging around inside himself for something that's supposed to be there and coming up empty-handed.
"Fuck. I don't know. Fine, I guess."
The word just hangs there. Fine.
Blake goes rigid beside me. "Fine."
"Yeah."
"You just watched her kiss me. And you felt fine."
It's not a question. Blake's voice is flat. Dangerous in that quiet way he gets right before he either shuts down or blows up. Oh crap. But also, I was so not prepared for fine either.
"I can't explain it?—"
"Try." Blake stands. The kneeling-at-my-feet thing is over. Arms crossed, jaw tight, looking down at Reid with the wall going up brick by brick in real time. "Because if this is you doing the martyr thing again?—"
"It's not." Reid gets to his feet too. "I swear it's not."
"A minute ago you were offering me your girlfriend like a consolation prize. Now you're telling me watching her kiss me feltfine?" Blake's voice cracks on the last word. "You get why that's hard to believe."
"Yeah, actually, I do. Because I don't believe it either." Reid's hands go up, palms out. "I keep waiting for it to hit. Like there's a fuse burning somewhere and any second I'm going to lose it. But she kissed you and I..." He trails off, scowling. "I didn't want to punch you. I didn't feel sick. I just watched it happen and it felt?—"
"If you say fine one more time?—"
"I don't have a better word!" Reid's voice pitches up. "You think I'm not freaking out about the fact that I'm not freaking out?"
They stare at each other. I stay on the couch, watching. Reading.
Reid's not performing. I've seen Reid perform — the big grin, the deflection, the joke that papers over the crack. This isn't that. He looks genuinely rattled by his own reaction. Confused by it. Almost scared.
Honestly, I'm a little rattled too.
"It wasn't nothing." Reid says it quieter now. More to himself than to Blake. "There was a... something. A flicker. But it was so much smaller than it should have been, and honestly?" He lets out a shaky breath. "That scares me more than if I'd wanted to put my fist through the wall. Because at least that would make sense."
Blake's arms slowly uncross. Not all the way. But an inch.
"What did the flicker feel like?" I ask. None of this is going the way I thought it would. We're all still on the edge of the cliff, but for some reason, I don't think we're going to fall…or heck, push each other off anymore.
Both of them look at me. Right. Still here. Still part of this.
