Page 60 of What We Brave
She's right. The old Laine would be halfway to the airport by now, running from the mess instead of sitting in it.
"I'm trying something new," I say. "Staying. Even when it's hard."
"Even when it's really, really complicated?"
"Especially then." I take another bite of her pancakes. "Though I reserve the right to hide in my apartment for a few days first."
Jamila sets down her fork. The playful energy from a moment ago drains away, replaced by something more serious.
"Okay, but Laine. I need to ask you something, and I need you to really think about it before you answer."
"That's ominous."
"It's practical." She leans forward, elbows on the table. "These two men. Reid and Blake. They're not just friends, right? From everything you've told me, they're essentially brothers. Years of history. Military service together. Living in the same house."
"I know."
"So help me understand how this works." Her voice is gentle butdirect. "Say you figure out your feelings. Say you decide you want to be with Reid again. Blake is still there. At the house. At family dinners. At every holiday, every barbecue, every random Tuesday night. You'd have to see him constantly."
My stomach clenches. "I've thought about that."
"And?"
"And I don't have an answer."
Jamila nods slowly. "Now flip it. Say you realize your feelings for Blake are real. That the kiss meant something. That you want to explore it. Reid is still his brother. Still lives with him. You'd be dating Blake while Reid watches from across the dinner table."
"I know." The words come out strangled.
"Both scenarios sound like torture, Laine." She's not being cruel. Just honest. "For everyone involved. You'd be trapped in this triangle forever, no matter which way you turn."
I stare at my coffee, gone cold now. She's right. I've been so focused on figuring out what I feel that I haven't really thought through what happens next. What it would actually look like to choose one of them.
"When Reid and I were together," I say slowly, "Blake was there. Obviously. And it was... hard. Even before he turned cruel, there was this tension. This awareness. I told myself I was imagining it, but?—"
"You weren't."
"No. I wasn't." I push my mug away. "And now that I know he felt something too? Now that I know the cruelty was him trying to push me away because he couldn't handle wanting me?" I shake my head. "How do I go back to pretending? How do I sit in that living room with Reid while Blake is in his workshop, knowing what I know?"
"You can't unknow it."
"Exactly."
Jamila is quiet for a moment. The diner hums around us—silverware clinking, the coffee machine hissing, someone laughing at the counter.
"There's another option," she says finally. "One you haven't mentioned."
"What?"
"Neither of them."
The words land like a punch. I open my mouth to protest, but she holds up a hand.
"Hear me out. You spent months feeling like you were disappearing in that relationship. Blake made you feel worthless. Reid didn't listen when you tried to tell him something was wrong. And now you're sitting here trying to figure out which one of them you want, like those are your only choices." She reaches across the table and takes my hand. "Maybe the answer is neither. Maybe you need to step back from both of them and figure out who you are without a man in the equation."
"That's not—" I stop. Take a breath. "I was happy with Reid. Before everything went wrong. I was really happy."
"Were you? Or were you happy with the idea of finally having somewhere to belong?"
