Page 199 of What We Brave
Every single day,I think.Every day is a little weird. But weird stopped being a bad thing about six weeks ago.
"We have rules. Boundaries. We talk about everything—and I meaneverything. There is no thought too stupid or too ugly to say out loud in that house." I laugh, surprising myself. "It's exhausting, honestly. Like emotional CrossFit."
"Hmm." He's picking at his coffee lid now. Same nervous energy I've got. "And does anyone else know? At the station?"
"No. You're the first."
"Jesus." He laughs, and this one's got no humor at all. "Lucky me."
"We're not exactly putting out a press release."
"I noticed." He shoots me a look. "You know it's going to come out eventually, right? People talk. And if someone else sees what I saw?—"
"I know."
"And what happens at the station when it does? You think Chief is gonna?—"
"I don't know."
"Because people are gonna have opinions, Reid. Not everyone's gonna be cool about it."
"I know that too."
"And if it gets weird on calls? If it affects?—"
"Tony." I hold up a hand. "I hear you."
He holds my gaze for a beat, then lets out a long breath through his nose. "I'm not gonna tell anyone. Just so you know."
"Thanks."
"But Reid—" He turns to face me fully. "If this blows up, it's gonna affect you on the job. And I need you sharp. I need my partner's head in the game, not worrying about who's sleeping where."
"My head's in the game."
"Right now, yeah. But what happens when she decides she only wants one of you?"
The seagulls are gone. The parking lot is just a parking lot again. Normal people walking in and out of a convenience store, living their normal lives with their normal relationships.
What happens when she picks one of you?
And there it is. The thing I don't look at. The door I keep closed.
But Tony kicked it open, and now I'm seeing it—just a flash, just a second—Laine's overnight bag on Blake's side of the house. Blake's door closed. My room the way it was before she got there. Empty bed. Empty nightstand. No hair ties on the bathroom counter, no half-drunk tea on the kitchen table, no weight beside me at 2 AM when I reach over just to check.
Just me again.
Just me in a house with my best friend and the woman he loves and no place left for me in the equation.
Shut the door, Reid.
I shut the door.
"I don't know," I say. "Hadn't really thought about it."
"Bullshit."
Yeah. Bullshit.
