Page 14 of What We Brave
Why does that make me want to cry?
"What are you... are you okay?" he asks.
I almost laugh. I am sonotokay, but compared to him? "I should be asking you that. You look..."
"Like hell?" A ghost of a smile. "Yeah. I've been told."
We stand there. Six feet apart, feeling like miles. His hands are shoved deep in his pockets and he won't meet my eyes for more than a second.
I want him to reach for me. I want something that looks like the Reid I knew. Not this hollowed-out version, this shadow.
"I'm sorry," he says quietly. "For all of it. The flowers, following you, making you feel unsafe." He shakes his head at the pavement. "I thought I could fix things. Instead I just... made everything worse."
He sounds like he's already given up. Like he rehearsed this apology a hundred times, waiting for a chance to deliver it, and now he's just... done.
"Reid—"
"You were right. About the report. Joyce explained it." He swallows, his throat working hard. "I just... I didn't want to lose you. And I turned into the monster in the dark. I get it." He laughs, but there's nothing funny in it. "Pretty fucked up, right? Loving someone so much you become their nightmare."
I don't know what to say. Because yeah, for a little while, I was scared. But looking at him now, I can't find that fear anywhere.
I'm just sad. Really, really sad.
"How are you?" I ask. "Really."
He shrugs. It doesn't work. "Fine. Working doubles. Keeping busy."
Liar.
"And Blake? Have you heard from him?"
The mask cracks. Raw pain flashes across his face before he looks away, jaw tight.
"No. Nothing." His voice is rough. "Hatch says he's alive. That's all I get. He's alive, he's working, he won't talk to anyone."
Three months of silence.
"Reid..." I step toward him. "I'm so sorry. I didn't know it was this bad."
"Why would you?" He laughs again, that hollow sound. "You've got your own life. You shouldn't have to worry about my mess."
"He came to see me. That night. Before he left."
Reid's head snaps up. "What?"
"He looked..."Broken. Bleeding. Saying goodbye like he meant it forever."Bad. He looked really bad. He said he was shipping out the next day. I thought—you two would be okay. That you'd talk."
"No." Reid runs both hands through his hair, leaving it in wild peaks. "Last thing I said to him was that I never wanted to see him again. That I hoped his contract was a long one." His voice cracks. "If he dies over there, that's what he'll remember. That I threw him away."
Oh God.
"You don't hate him," I say. It comes out desperate.
"No. I was angry. I was hurt about losing you. But he's been my brother for twenty five years. He's family." Reid looks at me, helpless. Lost. "I hate what he did. Ihateit. But I can't—if he doesn't come home?—"
He stops. Swallows hard.
"I have to go." He's backing toward his truck, wiping his face with his sleeve. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry for all of it. I just—I need to?—"
